Sara on Being in an Interracial Relationship

1 - Tell me 3 things about yourself aside from being in an interracial relationship.

- I have an amazing little boy named Jack. He’s 8 months and so flippin' fun!!! He just learned to wave and clap. He also says Kitty! I’m a VERY proud mama!
- I love my family more than life.
- I love cooking.

2 - Who is your husband/partner/babydaddy?

Anthony Chilufya. He’s from Zambia, Africa.

3 - How did you meet each other?

We met in October of 2008 at Sketchy Shell on Maryland...That always makes me laugh! We have mutual friends so he got my number and called me a couple days later. We were formally introduced 2 weeks later. I liked him right away!

4 - What’s the story of you falling in love?

We really liked each other and hung out every chance we got! He was in school and studied a lot but he always took time for me. It kind of felt like we were best friends from the start. The first time he told me he loved me was in December of 2008 but I’m pretty sure he loved me before that! The more I learn about him the more I love him. I honestly didn’t think I could love him any more than I already did and then we had Jack! So I guess as dumb as it might sound we’re stilling falling in love.

5 - How long have you been together now?

Since October 2008. Almost four years!

6 - What brought him to Winnipeg?

He came to study at University of Manitoba. He graduated with a Biochemistry degree last year.

7 - Have you met his family?

I’ve only met his sister Hilda. She came here and surprised him a couple years ago.

8 - How does he keep in touch with them? What’s your role in all of that?

They talk on the phone a lot. Anthony buys calling cards 2 or 3 times a week. It is so worth it! I love hearing him laughing with his family. Facebook has been amazing for communicating too. I am friends on fb with most of his siblings, nephews and nieces so that is how I’ve been able to get to know them and how they have been able to watch Jack grow.

9 - Tell me about your beautiful son! Who does he resemble more?

Where to begin? He is absolutely incredible! I’m pretty sure he is the smartest 8 month old in the world! He crawls, stands, waves, claps and says about 8 words! The love that I have for him is out of control! Anthony would say he is his mother to a tee! And by that, he means his stubborn attitude! I think he’s a pretty good mixture of the two of us.

10 - How did your friends and family respond to you being with someone from another country?

After my mom made sure I would never move to Zambia, it has never been an issue. Ha ha! Everybody loved Anthony from the start!

11 - Who has been the most supportive of your relationship?

Everybody has been very supportive but if I had to say one person specifically I would say my mom was. I miss her love for us a lot!

12 - How do strangers respond to you two walking down the street?

People stare! Especially old people. It used to irritate me so much and I’d get angry. Anthony would just laugh and tell me to leave them be. Who cares! I guess his attitude about it really rubbed off on me because I hardly notice it at all anymore. Now when we’re out we have Jack so most people just look at him. I don’t think they even notice us anymore.

13 - What do you feel is the biggest misconception people have about your relationship?

I honestly have never thought of that. I don’t even know if I have an answer for that.

14 - What is the best thing about being in an interracial relationship?

I get to learn about Zambia and Anthony’s life growing up there. He has some pretty amazing stories. The cute babies and amazing food he cooks for me are a plus too!!

15 - What is the hardest thing about it?

Being so far away from his family. It is very hard (for Anthony especially) raising Jack without them close. Jack is missing a lot not being there. He has 7 Aunties and Uncles and 18 cousins in Zambia. I wish he could grow up with them. One of his cousins is only 2 or 3 weeks younger than him.

16 - How different or similar are the cultures you each come from?

They are very different but have never come in the way of our relationship.

17 - How does child-rearing go, when you come from two different cultures?

Coming from different cultures has not affected the way we parent at all. I was a little surprised at how similar we parent. We just want Jack to be healthy and happy. That’s all that really matters in the end.

18 - Do you deal with racism? How?

Anthony once told me that racism doesn’t exist. I disagreed and he said he just doesn’t see it. I remember feeling very proud of him when he told me this. I think he was raised to know that the color of your skin does not define who you are.
There was one time though since Jack is born…my dad and I were taking Jack for a walk and a woman stopped to look at him. She looked up at me and said, “You like that color hey?” it was one of those moments where I looked back on it and wished that I had said so much!! I have never seen Anthony so upset. I really hope Jack doesn’t have to deal with that in his life!

19 - How do you feel about the saying, “Once you go black, you never go back”?

Ha ha! IT’S TRUE!!!!

20 - At the end of your life, how might being in an inter-racial relationship have made a difference for you?

I really don’t think that being in an interracial relationship will make the difference at the end of my life. What will make the difference is that I found the nicest most perfect partner there is for me. He is an incredible man and treats me and my son with so much love and respect. I am happy in this relationship and that is what matters. The color of his skin and where he was born are just bonuses especially because I might get to go to Zambia one day :)