26 December 2012

Beth on Giving Birth



1 - Tell me three things about yourself, other than having given birth.  
Cooking is a favorite time in my day. 

I always knew I would move out of Winnipeg, I never thought it would be to Saskatoon though.  

I'm very short. Most people comment on it.

2- When was your baby born? 
May 17th 2012

3 - What is her name and what is she like? 
Sadie Grace
She is happy, full of love, inquisitive, brave, and oh so precious.

4 - Have you always wanted to grow a baby? 
Oh yeah. My favorite game when I was a child was to put a couch cushion under my shirt and play pregnant. Truthfully, that game continued to be a favorite, even into my adulthood. I mastered the baby bump by folding up clothes and tucking them under my shirt. I would imagine what it would be like to move with a baby growing inside me and how the baby would feel kicking around inside me. So yes. A long time dream.

5 - How did you feel when you found out you were pregnant? 
Strangely, I knew the night she was conceived.  It was a knowing feeling that came over me. I welcomed my baby and promised I would always be there for it. When I took a pregnancy test 2 weeks later, just for kicks, it was positive. My mind quickly made its way through all the changes that would happen in my life. From lose of freedom, to sharing my life with a child of my own. All in all, I was very excited about growing a baby and eventually raising a child.

6 - How much did you know about your pregnancy and birth before this little one came along? 
Quite a bit. I took an early interest in pregnancy and birth and would quite often read on the subject. In 2004 I took a doula training course and ended up volunteering at a house for young pregnant women.

7 - How was your pregnancy? 
A breeze. I had a few funny food aversions in the first few months -no root vegetables, quinoa, or left overs. I stayed active and practiced yoga every day. I spent a lot if time trying to connect with my baby.  Towards the last few months though, I did need to stop work earlier than I had anticipated. My job had me on my feet for hours at a time and pelvic and leg pain became too much. So I took maternity leave early, and enjoyed my last 2 months of pregnancy taking care of myself and nesting.

8 - What were some of your assumptions about birth before having done it? 
My biggest one was about the medicalization of childbirth. I believed all women have the power to deliver a baby without medical intervention.

9 - How did you prepare for Sadie's birth? 
Yoga and reading. I wanted to be as educated and as stretchy as I could be to help get this baby out!

10 - What did you imagine her birth would be like? 
With the house full of scented candles and birthing oils burning, I would labor at home as long as possible and then when birth was imminent we'd head for the hospital. Ideally it would have been a midwife-attended home birth, but there are a shockingly low number of practicing midwives working in Saskatoon and there was no chance of getting one. Upon arriving at the hospital, Sadie was to slip out into the world while I put into action all the preparation I had been working on.  A favorite cd would be playing, and Sadie would be handed to me.  Voila!

11 - Tell me about your labor, if you don't mind.  
My labor started with my water breaking at 6:30 am on Wednesday May 16th. I started having mild contractions by 11:30 am. An hour later I was unable to speak through my contractions and they were less than 30 seconds apart. So, here we go, I thought. Our doula came over by 1:00 and it appeared to us all that this baby wanted out fast!  So we blew out all the candles and made the grueling drive to the hospital. I sat doubled over the back seat while our doula got me through 7 very intense contractions in the car. Upon arrival I was assessed at 10 centimeters dilated and 100 percent effaced. Thank goodness!  My doctor was called while I began trying comfort measures and coming to terms with the pain I was experiencing. When my doctor arrived, she assessed me and dropped the bomb on us that I was actually only 3 cms dilated. Tricky cervix, we were told! The urge to push had already begun for me. And I wasn't supposed to push! Way easier said than done!  So we hunkered down and let the old girl open up at her leisure. While in the tub unable to speak or move, I kept thinking, where are these heaven sent breaks between contractions that I've heard so much about?!  I wasn't getting them. Sadie was turned around so her back was to my back. This position makes for a difficult and uncomfortable labor, to say the least!  So with each peak of a contraction, I tried my hardest not to push. And while the contraction became less intense, before it completely subsided, it would spike to peaking, and we were right back grunt pushing.
So that lasted 8 hours. In that 8 hours I was given 2 more incorrect assessments of 10 cms and ready!  Only to be royally let down by my doctor upon her unnecessary arrival.
With every false assessment, the word epidural kept appearing in my mind’s eye. My partner, who blew me away with his support and was my rock through the entire process, helped me through those times, knowing my strong desire to have a natural birth. The last time I was incorrectly assessed, I decided to have the epidural. I was pushing so hard at this point that I was starting to do damage.
So at 8:45 Wednesday night, my epidural kicked in, and my labor was much different. I was able to walk around, do yoga poses and my visualizations. Ultimately, I ended up having the birth I had been preparing for. I never pushed my epidural button again. I felt every contraction as they came on stronger.  I enjoyed my breaks between them (and yes, they are heavenly!). And when the time came to push Sadie Grace into our arms, I felt every crazy push. Sadie joined us on the outside at 4:37 am on Thursday May the 17th. It was a beautiful day.

12 -When did you know it was over? 
It happened very fast. The last big push brought Sadie slipping out and very quickly was handed to me. All the effort and pain was suddenly over, and I was kissing Sadie's little gooey head.

13 - If possible can you describe what it was like to lay your eyes on her for the first 
time?
It was kind of like " of course this is you". It just made sense to see her.

14 - What surprised you the most about giving birth to Sadie? 
Acceptance.  Going through the first half and accepting that this is the way my labor is going, and my ability to accept the intervention that was necessary to progress as effectively as we did.

15 - What are you most proud of about your birthing experience? 
My strength. Physically and emotionally.

16 - Is there anything you wish you had known before the whole process? 
Not really. I knew the possibility of a difficult labor existed but I was certain I was not going to need any interventions. I'm happy I know now that having the epidural did not make me feel any less of a strong woman and I’m happy I gave it my all before and after the epidural.

17 - How has giving birth impacted you as a woman? 
I now know the true strength of a woman.  This has taken my strengths to another level that I didn't think possible.
I feel a strong connection to other women.  The strength all women posses, mind and body, is remarkable. I truly believe women are very special.

18 - If Sadie ever has a baby of her own, what wish do you have for her birth? 
That she will understand and listen to her body. That she has whatever birth her and her baby go through, and they both come out happy, healthy, and full of life.
(And that she wants me to be there :))

18 December 2012

Heidi on Life in South Sudan





1 - Tell me 3 things about yourself aside from the work you're currently doing.


               - I am an aunty to 8 nieces and nephews

                -you can always find wool and knitting needles in my suitcase/bag

                -I obsessively identify the species of mosquitoes that I find in my room/house


 2 – Where are you living these days?

I live in Juba, which is the capital of South Sudan.


3 – What has brought you there?


Work-I work for a non-government organization (NGO)  as a humanitarian aid worker.


4 – How did friends and family respond to your decision to move to South Sudan?


They are pretty used to me moving around and this is the sort of job that I’ve been working towards having, so I don’t think it was a surprise for anyone.   South Sudan is the “newest” country in the world and in the years leading up to its independence there was a lot of conflict here, so safety was a concern for my family.  


5 – What were your initial hopes and fears about going?


I guess I hoped that I would quickly adjust and fit into my new job.  I worked for a small development organization in Indonesia a few years ago, but in a much smaller role than my current position.  Having heard about how new peace was to South Sudan, I have to admit I was a bit fearful about being involved in conflict and also the restrictions that would place on movements and just daily life. 


6 – How long have you been there now?


I arrived in Juba on July 10th, so I’ve been living here for just over 5 months.  Somehow it feels like much longer than that though!


7 – Can you describe your surroundings?


Juba is a small city with under 400,000 people.  It has been rapidly changing in the year since independence.  I see new buildings cropping up overnight; it makes you wonder about the quality of construction!  I suppose in some ways it is not that different than other African cities that I‘ve visited, except the number of NGO workers.  There are an incredible number of NGO and UN organizations based in Juba. When you drive through Juba I would say every other vehicle has the UN logo or some other NGO logo on it.  There are huge contrasts with some places having tarmac roads, nice restaurants that serve western food and air conditioning to slum areas where people live in shacks made of tin and scraps of wood. You see super posh vehicles driving down the bumpy mud roads, this past week I saw a stretched out Hummer!   

I live and work in a big 3 story cement house; we have a generator that runs all day to give us power. We have running water (most of the time!) and flush toilets. It’s quite comfortable living here. 


8 – What are you learning about the culture or cultures in South Sudan?


Uhmm, I feel like there are so many cultures to learn about here.  There is the culture of the NGO that I work for, the general NGO culture of meetings/coordination and then the South Sudanese culture, which varies according to the tribe and area.  Most of my staff are South Sudanese, but because I interact with them at the office or at work, I feel like I haven’t actually learnt that much about the “real” culture here.   From the short time that I’ve spend in villages outside of Juba, it seems that the individual tribes are very proud of their unique characteristics.   


9 – Tell me about a typical day in your life right now.


I feel like I spend a lot of time rushing around: running from my desk to the printer that is in another part of the office, running back to my desk because the document didn’t print, going to health and nutrition meetings to discuss the current humanitarian situation (areas where there are gaps in services or unmet needs),  arranging flights for all 15 of my staff to travel to the 4 different field sites we are currently working in, receiving way too many emails, writing just as many,  making sure all of my teams have enough food, drugs, supplies, nutritional commodities to do their work, receiving and sending weekly reports, signing purchase request forms and monitoring current outbreaks and epidemics to see if we should respond to them.  The hot season has started so I spend a lot of time sweating. Somewhere in there I eat, sleep and drink wine. 


10 – You have travelled a lot. How does South Sudan compare to other parts of the world you’ve been?


I think South Sudan is the most unpredictable place that I’ve lived in.   I feel like I am on the surface most of the time and don’t know how any given situation is going to play out.  You get the sense that there is a lot of emotion simmering under the surface and it could come out at any time.  It is probably the most expensive place I’ve lived in, I paid almost $9 for a glass of juice yesterday!  That’s even more expensive than northern Canada. 


11 – What has been difficult so far?


Living and working in the same building has been challenging because you are never away from your work!  We have a fair number of restrictions on where/what we can do as NGO workers (all of which are for our safety) but I am not used to being so restricted. 


12 – What has been surprising so far?


I love my job, which I expected too, but I am so thankful for that!  I have also been surprised at how quickly I settled into life and work here.  


13 – What are some of the major adversities people are facing where you are in South Sudan right now?


      This year there has been more flooding than usual, so that means that the crops were really poor in some areas ,which is especially critical when people are subsistence farmers.  There are areas with ongoing intertribal conflict, which has also impacted on crops and caused displacement of people, not to mention the loss of lives and livelihoods.  Refugees and returnees from Sudan continue to cross into South Sudan and require shelter, food and health care services. South Sudan seems to have almost every type of epidemic, so there is always the potential for disease outbreaks. 


14 – Can you speak to the resilience of people in South Sudan?


People have been through so much suffering and injustice here and yet to meet someone on the street or work with them you would never know.   I have had a few small glimpses into some of my staffs’ lives and it is unbelievable to think of what they have all been through and now they are contributing to the growth and development of their country.  If I had experienced even a fraction of what many people here had I don’t know if I would be able to get up out of bed. 


15 – What strengths inside of you have been necessary to do what you are doing in Sudan?


                Flexibility, adaptability, my faith, knowing that this is not forever.


16 – What have you learned so far?


                I have a lot more to learn!  


17 – What gets you through difficult moments over there? Who is your support system?


This last week was a tough one, lots going on at work and not enough sleep.  I find a good cry is generally quite helpful, as is getting exercise, talking to friends and family back home, listening to music, praying, knitting and chocolate.   Skype is amazing; I honestly don’t know what I would do without it!   My co-workers understand the pressures of live here and they have been a huge support as well. 


18 – Tell me about a touching moment you’ve witnessed or been a part of recently.

     This isn’t so much touching as tragic, but I think it is shows the reality of life here in South Sudan.  Two weeks ago one of my staff members lost his one year old baby girl to malaria. He was in a field site when he found out that his daughter was ill and managed to get out on our twice weekly charter flight the next day.  He then travelled by bus from Juba to his village and arrived in time to see his daughter, but it was too late for her.  My staff member is a well-educated clinical officer (somewhere between a nurse and doctor) and knows the signs of malaria and how to treat severe cases, but in a country where access to quality health care is so limited, too many people die from treatable illnesses.   


19 – If you had a wish for the people of South Sudan, what would it be?


                For peace  and fair and compassionate leaders


20 – Are there ways that your time in South Sudan has changed you at the core?


                Re-emphasized how fortunate and blessed my life has been and made me                  incredibly  thankful. 
                I don’t think I’ve been here long enough to fully realize how living here has/will change me.