Lucy on Racism

Lucy was one of my mom's best friends. I can't imagine who my mom would have been had she never met Lucy and the rest of the Roseau community, with all the laughing, learning and healing that happened there. I wanted to ask Lucy 100 questions, and maybe I still will. I'm thankful for these 20, and all of the layers of gems that are tucked into her thoughtful and unassuming responses. I hope a million people read this. Megwetch Lucy! 

1.      Tell me three things about yourself.

-          I don’t know my own language --  Anishinabe, (sad face)

-          I don’t like bullies.

-          I love to challenge myself and am sooo disappointed in myself if i back down.

2.      If you don’t mind, can you introduce yourself as a First Nations woman? (name, clan, etc)

Beedasheek ndizhnikaaz                             - My name is Beedasheek

Wabizee ndodaim                                           -My clan is the swan.

Ojibway Anishinaabeikwe indow                    -I am an Ojibway woman

3.      Who are your kids? 

Son #1  Zongiday’a   translates to Strong heart.   He had an English name for a month “Sandy”,  named after his great grandfather, but the rebel in me decided to go with an Anishinabe name. 

Daughter#1 Jodee Brooke   My lovely daughter, who has such a sense of justice and equality, but in a quiet way, much like her grandmother, Marjorie.   It always amazes me how much time her and her husband Ben  spend taking their children to and from sporting activities.

Daughter#2 Anna Marie  My next lovely daughter, who usually does things in her life, career, education,  with others in mind and how her actions and decisions will impact them.  She was born at home, and it was actually because of her home birth that your mom interviewed me and thus started our friendship.

Daughter #3 Bawbeewahsheek   My tiny Bawbee, another home birth.  She has always been a fighter, for herself, her children,  she has a plan for herself and her little family and is slowly thinking of how she can put it in motion. She can read a 500 page book in one day!!

Son #2  Kirby Lewis  My youngest son, yet he is the tallest.  Kirby has his dad’s work ethic, certainly not mine, ..haha..he has a kind heart and his nieces and nephews love him to pieces.

4.      Do you have a funny story about one of your grandkids? 

(COULDNT CHOOSE BETWEEN THE THREE SETS OF GRANDCHILDREN SO ....)

- Edie, 4 yrs old, will use the cute card when asked to help out with chores, “I can’t ‘cause I’m too small” with her little head tilted to one side.

- Zhaawashko  – when he was around 6, his mom left him in the running vehicle while she ran inside to pay for gas.  He unbuckled himself and shut off the vehicle, When Anna got back in, she asked if he turned it off, Z said “you’re going to kill all the trees, DONT you want the birds to have homes!” 

-Landon  When he was around 4 yrs old, his mom couldn’t understand what he would try to say or ask for.  His older sister, Brooklyn,  became his little interpreter.  Bawbee would just ask Brooklyn “What does he want?”  Brooklyn would reply,  “  Wait,....Okay he wants...”

5.      Tell me about your mother – what was she like?

My mom bore 11 children, but she lost 2 infant sons shortly after their birth.  She was married to my dad for 49 years. 

My mom was shorter than me, and I always remembered her as being slim  for most of her life.  She worked so hard to feed and clothe all 9 of her children.  One story that she told that stands out for me and demonstrates what it took to survive in that time was her having to store hay to feed the horses during the winter. What is significant about this is that she did it on her own, with a toddler and another baby playing on the side of the field, with the oldest child responsible for the youngest.    My dad had been hospitalized for years during that time for TB and would be gone for months at a time for treatment.  

I always found my mom to be very quiet and loved to read.  I know she loved all of us, but there always seem to be a sadness about her.  I don’t remember her ever saying she loved me until in my teen years.  I know now that her greatest joy was her children and eventually her grandchildren.

On a sad note, my mom struggled with alcohol,  while my dad stayed sober the whole time they raised us.  There was a lot of family violence and discord in my upbringing, balanced out with alot of laughter and great memories.   Was  her alcohol use her way of dealing with her own sad childhood I have often  wondered?

6.      Can you tell me a bit about your mother’s early life, and how she ended up in residential school?

Her mother died early in her life and her father had no choice, in that time, but to leave her and my aunt at the residential school.  Her father died a few years later, so the school became her home.

She had other sisters and one brother but she never spoke, to me anyway, about where they were during this time. 

7.      Do you have a sense of how residential school impacted your mother and what helped her survive? 

 Yes,  my mom and aunt had a place to sleep and eat.  Yes they did learn how to cook ,bake,  how to put in a garden, harvest and can fruit and vegetables, sew – all the skills that,  in that era, were important just to live day to day.

My mom passed away before she was able to tell her story of her experience at residential school.  She never got to tell of her and her sister's sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual and  pyschological abuse they had to endure while living there, at the hands of the priest and the nuns that were in charge of them.

My mom and my aunt ran away, when she was 16 years old and made their way to a reserve about 60 miles south. They would walk at night and slept and hid during the day so that they wouldnt be found.

  

During the time that they were in residential school, my mom had became the protector of her sister and I believe that is what kept her going until they ran away.

Surprisingly, her faith within the Roman Catholic church never wavered despite all that she had endured at the hands of the nuns and the priests at that institution. My mother was a very passive woman and I often wonder if this was as a result of her abuse, an acceptance of her past and her fate for the rest of her life.

8.      What did you learn from your mother about being a First Nations woman?

In the age I was growing up, there was no talk about being "Indian".  It was not spoken about, just that we did the best we could with what we had.   

I believe my parents saw what the disadvantages of being First Nation and did not want that hardship to fall on us.       My mom would often speak about how she was punished for communicating to others in her own language.  That is the main reason that they did not speak to us, their children, in our own language, even though they were both fluent

9.      What did you learn from your mother about dealing with racism? 

 We grew up in a Metis community, surrounded by white ranchers and went to a school 20 minutes away.  

My mom would sometimes make little comments about what she thought about our neighbors, and their comments she had overheard.   She gave me the impression that their words meant nothing to her, and she would go about her everyday life.  I learnt from her not to expect too much from others, and not to concern myself over what others thought of myself.

10.  What have you taught your own children about who they are, and dealing with racism? 

I would like to think that I taught them that they were equal and not to get caught up in the sterotypes that society thought they should be.  I always wanted them to be able to stand shoulder to shoulder with all people and I think that I accomplished that.

11.  You were a dear friend to my own mother, who was obviously white. What do you think she learned about white privilege, racism and acceptance from you?

I know that she loved the fact that we can find humour in almost anything and can see the good in almost any situation.  I think she saw that even though we may not have the best homes or vehicles, we are capable of finding a reason to smile everyday.

Your mother was accepted in this community so easily at a time when her heart was healing and she went looking for a safe place to release her grief.  This community and the people loved her dearly and still speak about her with so much love and respect.

12.  Can you give me a story of racism in your everyday life? (an example or situation you had to face)

Getting out of my car and walking into a store, the same time that someone else is.  They see me and then fish out their keys and make sure they vehicle is locked, twice.  I guess I am that suspicious looking....

13.  What helps you deal with other peoples’ fear or hatred?

Knowing about karma, just kidding. 

I don’t own their garbage and I can laugh about it at the time but then I stop and  wonder what happened to them to feel that way. 

My belief is that we all started off the same, we all came into this world on the same level, but as we grew,  things affect us and how we see others and the world around us.

14.  You are a social worker, can you tell me why you got into the field?

I always wanted to work in the helping field and work with others in making positive change in their lives.  All people have the desire to be happy and sometimes they just need a nudge in the right direction.

I think I was going through my own journey and liked what I read and saw and must of thought I would love to be a part of someones life in that way.

15.  How are the families you work with affected by racism? 

A lot of families i come in contact with are  at a place in their lives where this is not even an issue, getting food on the table for your children is a greater concern, dealing with addictions, alcohol, drugs or gambling is a greater one.

Indirectly, the whole community is shortchanged when it comes to education and  housing and even to the way that child welfare is funded.   

16.  When you think about your work, where do you look for and find hope? 

I pray every day, before I leave for my job –for guidance, for strength, for the work that I will do that day.  I pray for the families that I work with. My biggest hope is that they see what they need to change in their lives to give their children the best childhood they deserve.  I always look to the day where all children are safe and nurtured in healthy homes. 

17.  When you think about First Nations people in Canada, where do you see hope? 

Our youth --we have some amazing young people getting educated, getting back to their original teachings, learning who they are and moving forward from that place. 

That is how I see we are going to get out of this dark place so many of our communities are finding themselves in.

18.  You know that I have a First Nations son, what advice do you have for me as a white person, as I raise him?

Teach him that he is equal, not better, not less, than his peers.  Always give him the opportunity to learn about his history and don't hold or keep that from him , because there will come a time in his life where he will begin to ask questions.   Support him in his search and love him to pieces.

19.  What can white people be doing in general to create more love and less fear when it comes to healing some of the pain we have caused to First Nations people in Canada?

Educate themselves.   Be more understanding.  

Society needs to see the connection between what these schools took away from a proud people, their children, and why there is so much hurt in those survivors today.  This school system lasted several generations and its going to take several generations to undo the damage from self, family and community.

20.   Any closing thoughts? 

I am alive.  I have so many good friends... all different colours.  I have a great family. I am blessed and I am happy. 

Sheldon on Adoption: The Sequel

The last time I interviewed Sheldon, he and his wife were anticipating adopting two girls from Ethiopia. Sadly, that plan fell through just weeks after Sheldon and I did the interview. Sheldon and his wife (and Eli!) must have the patience of saints, as once again they were back to waiting. Here's part of the beautiful and heroic story of how Eli came into their lives.

1. Tell me three more things about you!

• I’m the training manager at my current workplace. • I have only about 50% hearing in my right ear, and am completely deaf in my left ear. If you see me out and about, and are yelling at me, chances are I’m not ignoring you. • I love playing hockey and golf, but can’t really be bothered to actually practice most of the time. I need the competition aspect of it to keep my interested.
2. I understand you have become a dad since our last interview, who is your kid and how old is he now?
Our son’s name is Elijah, and he is almost 3 years old.
3. What’s he like?
As he has become more and more comfortable, Eli has begun acting more like we may generally expect a 2-3 year old born in Canada. He is generally a very happy, and very content boy. He seems to love his momma and daddy. He especially loves his Grandma’s and Grandpa’s. He does have his moments when he gets a little bossy, and a little cranky, but all in all, he has been an absolute blessing to us. It sounds so cliché, but it does feel like he has always been with us.
4. I remember you talking about two girls that you were waiting to adopt, do you mind speaking about how things changed?
You remember correctly regarding the fact that we were waiting to adopt the girls. The last time we talked was in mid October of 2012. On Halloween of 2012, we were informed that there was a very real possibility that our adoption of these girls would fall through. One month later, it became official, and in discussions between the adoption agencies, and ourselves, the decision was made that the girls would be re-unified with their birth family (not that we really had any choice in that matter, but it was decided by someone). We were devastated, but we again had a great support system which helped us through this incredibly difficult time. On February 1, 2013, exactly 2 months after we received that incredibly difficult news about the girls, we received a referral for a beautiful little almost 2 year old boy.
5. Can you tell me how you first heard about your future son?
On February 1, we received a call from our agency (Adoption Options) with the exiting news that we had a referral for a little boy. We had an inkling that something was up, due to some of the questions that we were being asked throughout the month of January, and we were ecstatic to receive a referral for this boy. Given our previous situation, we were just a bit more reserved about everything. We accepted as soon as we were able, and began preparing for life with one boy, instead of two girls.

6. When did you travel to Ethiopia to meet your son?
On May 10th, 2013, we left Winnipeg for a life changing journey to Ethiopia.

7. What was it like to set out on your journey across the world to meet him?
In most cases, the expectation is that a family adopting internationally from Ethiopia, would travel twice to Ethiopia. The first trip would be to attend court, and the 2nd trip would be the one where the adoptive family would be able to take custody of their child and then come home. The reason for this is the uncertainty of the amount of time between court and receiving a Visa to arrive back in Canada. Given the situation with the girls, we had the blessing of our agency (not usually recommended) to do everything in one trip. We had very understanding employers, and as we set off on this adventure, we did not know how long we would be gone. I had taken 4 months off, in the event that if there were delays, that I would have enough time, and Hilary was able to take a leave of absence as well. So when we left Canada on May 10th, we honestly didn’t know when we would be setting foot back in Canada again, and that was a scary proposition for us. As for the part about us journeying across the world to meet Elijah, it was an exciting adventure. Neither Hilary, nor I are travelers, and the whole thing felt a little out of control. That being said, we had had a number of years to prepare for this type of trip. We were ready for this experience in our minds. The “carrot” at the end of this journey was of course Eli, and we both couldn’t wait! Travelling to Ethiopia was both scary and exhilarating all at once. We had 3 flights from here to Ethiopia, and there many little issues as we began the journey. The flight from Toronto to Frankfurt, was frightfully hot, we almost missed the flight in Frankfurt, but hey, we could take it all in stride. This was going to be life changing!
8. Maybe a weird question, but did you feel connected to him before you met him? Was it scary to get your hopes up?
Given our situation before, and how we had fully invested ourselves into the girls, emotionally, it was very difficult to entirely connect ourselves to Eli until we were actually on our way to Ethiopia. I think that until we heard those words that officially made us his parents, we still struggled with attaching to Eli. When we met him after court, we jumped in totally. Even though the first few meetings didn’t necessarily go as well as we wanted (him running to us, and showing us his love right away), we started to feel that connection, and realized that this was our son, and we were his parents!
9. What was it like to finally meet your child after such a long wait?
It was a bit nerve wracking. We’d been dreaming of children for so long, we’d been praying for children for so long, we’d been dreaming and preparing Elijah for a few months. Finally, everything else was behind us. We met Eli on May 14. We had very strict rules about what we could or couldn’t do on this particular visit, so there wasn’t a lot interacting with Eli on an individual basis. He was/is a beautiful little boy, and it was obvious that he was loved in the orphanage, but we could also see some “sadness” in his eyes. We may not have actually seen it much then, but looking at those early pictures, compared to our boy now, it is amazing the difference.
10. When did you know that he was yours for forever?
On May 17th, we passed court. This was the final hurdle for Eli to become our son. Eli was ours. We went to visit immediately, and we got some one on one time with Eli that afternoon. While he wasn’t all that fond of us, we got him somewhat warmed up to us by the time we left. On May 20th, Eli’s 2nd birthday, he joined us for a van ride back to our guesthouse. We were finally a family of 3!
11. How long were you in Ethiopia? Do you think it was good for Eli to have you stay on his home turf for the first while?
We arrived in Ethiopia on May 11th, and arrived back in Winnipeg on June 28th, which is exactly 7 weeks if you’re keeping track at home. It was very good for Eli that we could spend our time together on his home turf for a period of time. While we didn’t do a lot touristy things in Ethiopia, we did spend some time walking around Addis, driving around with an excellent driver, and playing in our guesthouse courtyard. Eli had some favorite people in Ethiopia, and loved the guesthouse staff and always ran to them to see what they were up to, loved our driver, whom he still talks about by name on occasion, and loved chasing the guesthouse guard around the courtyard, and kicking the ball around. It was a little more comfortable for him, I think, to be able to get used to us in his own culture, and among people who looked more like him. It will have been a good experience for us as well, as it allows us to see what he may feel like later on in life. Being the people who looked different than almost everyone else was incredibly difficult, and intimidating for us, and it was always obvious to others that we probably didn’t belong. Don’t get me wrong, virtually everyone was friendly, and welcoming, but we also got taken advantage of in some situations where we probably wouldn’t have gotten a 2nd look had we been black.

12. What, pray tell, was the flight home like?
The flights home were uneventful for the most part. Due to the fact that we had to change our flights on short notice, we made the decision to fly directly from Addis to Toronto, and that was a great decision. The flight was very empty, and we had lots of room for ourselves. Eli didn’t seem too concerned about what was going on (although, I’m not sure he totally understood what flying is). Since we had so much room, we each were able to stretch out, and sleep, and I think we all got some good sleeps in during this flight. Again, due to the quick change of flights that we had had to do, we had a 12 or 14 hour layover in Toronto, so we gathered up all our luggage, and headed to a hotel to sleep for part of the wait, and also to swim a bit. This stretch was probably the most stressful of the trip, but it felt great to be back on Canadian soil. We were so close to being home. The flight home must have been so quick, cause I can’t even remember this part of the trip. Suddenly, we were back in Winnipeg, and we were preparing to go down the escalator to our waiting families. This is the part of the trip that I will always remember. We had so much support from our family and friends, and many of our closest friends and all of our family that could attend, were there. What a homecoming for us, but more importantly, for Eli.
13. What’s been the best part about having Eli at home with you?
I love Eli’s excitement and awe at little things. When he finishes a puzzle, or cleans up after himself going on the potty, his sense of accomplishment when he says “I did it”. Seeing a little guy learn like he has learned is amazing. I love coming home, and hearing “Daddy”.

14. What’s been hard about the transition / or even normal toddler stuff?
Some of the hard things are the hard things that everyone has to deal with. We are having to adjust our schedules around Eli. We can’t just up and leave whenever we want, like we were used to. After almost 12 years with no children, we got stuck in our routines, and it’s hard to break those routines at times. Eli has been an awesome kid, and is almost always a cheerful, energetic kid, but I’m not a young whipper snapper anymore, and I’m not always that energetic. Having to learn how to properly manage my time has been an adjustment to ensure that I have the energy for an almost 3 year old, and still have the energy to get things done has been a transition. When all is said and done, we have an awesome support system that has helped us learn to adjust to this new situation.

15. What does Eli love about living in Canada?
I’m not sure Eli loves the snow, but he is getting used to it. I’m not sure what things he loves about Canada at this point, but if I were to guess, it would be the frequent swimming dates with Momma, his trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, his uncles, aunts, and cousins, Sunday School, Play Group, his stuffies, and of course Zeke (our dog). He also loves our vehicle, “Big Red”, and constantly talks about it. He will also talk about busses quite frequently.
16. What do you imagine or know he misses about Ethiopia?
I’m not sure what he all remembers from the orphanage at this point, but I believe again, that he misses what used to be normal to him. Like I said earlier, he still talks about Markos (our driver), and he often asks to see Markos on my phone. He also misses Isaac (a little boy that he met after he joined our family, but while we were staying Ethiopia). He has seen Isaac once since we’ve been back in Winnipeg, and he can’t wait to see him again.

17. What’s the most helpful thing someone did for you through the adoption process?
Again, the prevailing theme in this interview is our support system. We had so much help from our friends and family in getting through what was a long journey. The most helpful thing that people did for us would be support us through prayer, but also in those kind words. During the first week or two that we were home, we had friends organize meals for us, which was incredibly helpful.
18. What’s the best thing people say when they see the diversity in your family?
I feel like the diversity in our family has been accepted very well. One thing that we were very concerned with early on is the comments that people make about transracial families. We have again been blessed by the fact that these types of comments haven’t been said to us. Of course, this isn’t all that is involved when discussing diversity, but to me it is the most visible part of this equation. We spend some time talking about all the ways that we are the same, but also all the ways that we are different, which hopefully will give Eli confidence in himself, and his abilities. I also hope that we can be positive role models for others in a similar family situation.

19. Tell me how your life has been changed most profoundly?
As I said earlier, our lives have changed a great deal with what types of events we can do, and when we can do them, but we totally love our lives. Eli brings smiles to our faces when we might not really be in the mood to smile. Hilary and I are learning how to parent, and learning that even though we are always trying to do it right, there may be times when we screw up (I know, I know, I was surprised that I screw up sometimes too). Eli is always chattering away, and is soaking things up like a sponge. We are his primary teachers, in life, and with that comes great responsibility. We are enjoying that responsibility, and we hope that he will continue to soak it all up, and do great things as he grows older.
20. What is your biggest hope or wish for Eli as he grows up?
I want Eli to enjoy life and love the Lord. I really would love for him to enjoy sports, but we’ll see where his interests lie. I hope that he enjoys learning, and never stops. I hope our relationship to each other will be as strong as possible. I hope that Eli will have a love for his birth country (Ethiopia), and his adopted country (Canada).

Susan on Being Married a Long Time

One of the benefits of growing up in a small town was that I grew up with people like Susan and Kel in my life. While babysitting their kids, pumping their gas, or just running into them at the Co-op, they were always kind to me. And their kindness always came from the two of them, like a united front :) They always seemed like married folks who actually liked each other, in a genuine, honest way. It was fun to do this interview and learn that their long marriage, although not without challenges, seems to be as authentic and uncomplicated as I sort of imagined it would be.

1. Tell me three things about you, besides being married. 

* I am an M.K.(Missionary kid). I was born in Manitoba but at 6 months of age, my family took a cargo ship across the ocean to Ethiopia where I lived til I was almost 10 years old.  
* I would choose lemon or caramel over chocolate 100% of the time.  
* I actually hate shopping. Unless it's for my kids or grandkids.
2. When did you get married? 

I got married on June the 2nd, 1979 at the ripe old age of 19. This year we will celebrate our 35th anniversary.
3. Who did you marry and how did you meet him?

I married Kel Zacharias. We met at Red Rock Bible Camp when I was 15 and he was 16. I was washing pots and pans. Kel was washing dishes and we literally bumped into each other.
4. What's a memory that stands out from your dating life, pre marriage?

Kel and I were on our way to Beaudette, Minnesota for a weekend with the whole Zach family. We were both minors at the time. The customs officer thought we were running away from home together and held us up for almost an hour. Once we got to the cabin, Kel's brother was complaining about the line up at customs. We figured out it was because of us and that his brother could've vouched for us.
5. How did he propose? 

I was attending school in England. Kel came during my Christmas break to travel with me and some friends. I met him at the airport and started going through his luggage looking for a ring. Kel waited for awhile and then pulled the ring out of his pocket and said "is this what you're looking for?" I guess I kind of wrecked any plans he had.
6. What's a memory that stands out from your wedding?

The memory that first comes to mind is that the tuxedos that we rented didn't fit, even though the guys had gone for a fitting. It was extreme for a couple of the guys. Kel's sister-in-law Donna got out a needle and thread and had to do some alterations the morning of the wedding. The wedding started at 11:00 a.m. A tad stressful.
7. How did you know that kal was "the one"?

I don't remember a light bulb moment. I feel like I just always knew I would marry Kel some day.
8. How did having kids impact your relationship?

Having kids impacted our marriage immensely. More than we know really. Can't imagine where we'd be or what would be different about our relationship if we hadn't had them. Physical and obvious changes were huge but we were tickled pink with our 2 girls. I think we were both pretty hands on and felt like a team. We decided that we would not disagree on discipline in front of the girls. This led to some interesting immediate discussions in the back yard or the laundry room when one of us felt the other was being too harsh. Ha! What I've noticed in the last ten or so years is that our kids still impact our marriage as much as back then. It's just changed. I love nothing more than to see Kel bonding with his adult daughters. They have become his heros as they both make steps and advance in their lives. I know how much they mean to him and it makes me love him more.
9. Why do you think you're great together?

I think maybe because we were so young when we started dating. It's like we grew up together and formed opinions about life things together. I dunno. We just like doing stuff together and we like doing nothing at all together. I have come to enjoy watching a golf tournament on a Sunday. He's come to enjoy chick flicks and sharing a bag of fresh licorice. And I hope that being great together has meant that we're there for others together as well.
10. Tell me one secret to a long and happy marriage. 

Communication is what everyone answers to that question but I definately agree. We've had to balance each other out on that.....I tend to analyze a lot and am quite a talker. We'll keep working on that for life I guess. The other thing is work. Every marriage is work....every day. Some days feel like the load is light and some days feel like hard labor. My dad told me something many years ago "the day I quit working on my marriage is the day my marriage is in trouble". The were married for 64 years when he passed away.
11. How big a role does family and friends/ community play in the success of your marriage to Kel?

Huge. Family and friends and community have celebrated with us in the good times and have walked closely with us in the hard times. Can't imagine our lives without all of them.
12. Thinking back, what has been the best year of your marriage and why?

I can't pinpoint a "best year" but best things pop into mind. Our first year was fun and carefree. Becoming parents. Becoming grandparents. A new house that we planned together. Moving to Wpg and being able to go to a movie on a week night spur of the moment cause we were 5 mins from the theatre. Having teenagers and spending our Saturdays in the gym cheering for their team. Family vacations with our kids. Many more.
13. Thinking back, what has been the hardest year of your marriage and why?

Again....can't pinpoint one specific hard year. Change is always a pull on a marriage.....kind of a given in life though. Death of family or friends. I had some health issues and surgeries when the girls were still quite young. The flood of the century and all it's stress was in between 2 of those surgeries. Walking alongside extended family when they were struggling.
14. What helped you through the hard times?

I would say that even when change or sadness (life....really) brings friction between us, whether we love each other unconditionally has never felt like a question. Maybe because we built a foundation in the good times? Not sure. We take each day as it comes but stay in love no matter what. Somehow the hard stuff ends up bringing us closer.
15. How is your marriage different from your parents' relationships?

I thought about this one a long time. Technology has changed almost everything since our parents were our age. I think we've had the opportunity to spend more physical time together and with our kids as a family. But if I look at our parents marriages and our marriage. Very different personalities all around but I'd have to say all 3 are much the same in heart.
16. How is your marriage different from your daughter's marriage?

I thought about this one a long time too. Jill has been married to Chris for 10 years. She married a great guy who is rock solid and would do anything for her. And she's a great wife....a great friend to Chris. When I look at our two marriages, I see 4 very different personalities but I'd have to say they are much the same in heart.
17. What's your guess as to why the divorce rate is so high these days?

I cannot begin to know or guess "what the world needs now". I will share a little story from quite some time ago that Kel and I reflect on even now. We were on a trip together and spent an evening with some friends we had met through mutual friends. She was having some health issues and was looking at major surgery. Her husband was telling Kel what she/they had been through and how it was affecting their kids etc. He said to Kel "what I have to focus on is that it's not my wife that's sick. We are sick. And it's not my wife that has to have surgery. We are having surgery". I love that story.
18. What do you love about Kel more as time goes on?

That he wants to be with me. Spend time together. Hang out. Sometimes when we're walking out the door to meet people for dinner he'll take my hand and say "I wish it was just the two of us going out tonight" Melts my heart every time!

19. What do you think he loves most about you?

I didn't ask him. I'm guessing. I think I'm his greatest cheerleader in life and his job and as a dad etc. I feel like he appreciates it.
20. How has hanging out with your husband for all these years most profoundly impacted you? And you him?

Completely for both! After 35 years of bumps and bruises, partying and joys together, we've both turned into who we are. No marriage is perfect so we don't bother striving for that. Neither of us is perfect so we don't bother expecting that. We just keep working at it......every day til we die. As hard as that can be, it feels kind of simple.

Rochelle on Having a World-Traveling Family

This is my childhood bff Rochelle. I still remember her parents' old phone number (7468793), and I think I learned to spell her name before my own. We were inseparable until the summer between Grade 6 and 7 when her parents broke it to us that they were moving to Kelowna. Our hearts broke, our worlds shattered, but we survived! (and wrote books full of letters to each other.) She's a heck of a lady, and it always blows my mind when I think of the amount of moving and traveling she's done with her own brood. Her and Mike have 3 kids and make moving back and forth across the world look easy.

1 - Tell me 3 things about yourself outside of having a world-traveling family.

1) I absolutely LOVE musical theatre. 2) I am currently studying full time towards my Certificate IV in Youth Works, with a dream to complete a degree in Social Work. 3) I am ashamed to admit that I have never learnt how to drive a standard. That is really embarrassing.

2 – Who is your family?

Me – age is just a number My husband, Mike - 34 Isabella – 10 Zachariah – 7 Amelia – 4

3 – What are three words to currently describe your crew?

BUSY BUSY BUSY!!!! But also, Loud, Wonderful, Infuriating.

4 – Where have you all lived and traveled?

For lived I am going to say I have to have been there for a minimum of 1 year, because that helps to narrow it down.

Rosenort, Manitoba Kelowna, British Columbia Newcastle, Australia Adelaide, Australia Wilmore, Kentucky And now Adelaide, Australia again.

Traveled – Australia extensively USA extensively India Malayasia Tawain Mexico Japan

5 - Tell me about a great moment you’ve had as a traveling family recently.

Probably the best holiday as a family of 5 thus far was when we were relocating from Kelowna, BC to Adelaide, Aus. We took a week long vacation in Hawaii. It was perfect.

6 - How did you come to be a family on the move?

That is what happens when you marry someone from a different country. It is inevitable. And I will make sure my children never marry anyone who doesn’t live within 5 hours of me. (Because obviously, I have that power….)

My husband has also done a lot of study and that has brought us to places like Wilmore, Kentucky, which, under different circumstances I can’t imagine we ever would have ended up there. But, it was AWESOME.

7 - What do you love about having lived in different places?

I guess it has broadened my perspective on life. I hope it has made me a more understanding, empathetic and compassionate person. If it hasn’t yet, I hope it will. I love that I truly have friends ALL over the world. It is a wonderful feeling!

8 – What are some of the difficult parts of living in different places?

Definitely the most difficult thing is being away from my family. I love them dearly and with every move away from them it has hurt.

It is also a very expensive way to live. Moving is not cheap. On that note I should mention that within the 6 different places we have lived, we have actually moved house 14 times!! And let’s face it, buying and selling can be expensive. (and stressful)

9 – What has surprised you about moving with your family from place to place?

How incredibly resilient and adaptive my kids are. They settle into new environments much quicker than I do. They have new friends within weeks and I am still crying into my coffee.

I also find it amazing how much junk we throw away with each move, and yet, there is Always. More. Junk.

10 - How have your family and friends responded to you being a traveling family?

I know it has been hard on my parents. They adore my kids. (and I like to think they are fond of me, as well.) It makes me kind of sad that with the last few moves my parents just kind of nod. Like they were just expecting it to happen once again. That being said, they are so supportive. And we are pretty good at communicating. And most importantly they are coming to visit in December!

My friends and I seem to keep in touch pretty well. We were just back in Canada over the Christmas holidays, and it was as though we had never left.

11 - Who of your friends and family are the most supportive of your moves?

They really all are. No one has ever said anything negative regarding the constant moves. They do have some jokes about us and the number of houses we have lived in. But all in all, everybody is truly supportive. 12 - Do you come across people who are a bit funny about you having moved a few times?

People definitely think it is insane that we have moved so much. But it is insane that we have moved so much, so I certainly can’t hold that view against them. I can’t imagine a life where we just stay in one place and stop seeing the world. Although I am a little over the constant house changes.

13 - What is the best part about living in different places as a family?

I feel like it has brought us closer together and strengthened our family unit. So many hours spent together on the road, on planes, packing and unpacking. It’s definite quality and quantity time!

14 – What keeps you strong through the settling-in times?

I think knowing that we have made the right decisions, and if we haven’t made the right decisions, knowing that we can make something good out of something difficult. Knowing that we are all together. My faith has certainly helped. There are times of such uncertainty and there is very little to cling to. It’s important to have a strong foundation. And yet, so often I have just wanted to cry like a baby. And that is often all I need. A good cry.

15 – What have your kids said about your most recent move?

They were pretty nervous about it at first. Isabella was in grade 2, Zachariah was in Kindergarten. They were making some good friends. But that was 20 months ago, and I tell you what, they would be hard pressed to find something negative to say now. They love their school, their friends, their music and sports and dance lessons and the BEACHES!

16 -Describe a day in the life of your family, in your current home.

We are currently renovating our home, so it is chaos, but aside from that we have a pretty nice routine going on. On a weekday the older 2 are out the door with Mike at around 8:20 and then I take Amelia to preschool at 9. Then I go to my school. Eventually we all end up back at home for dinner of some type. Weekends are busy with basketball, dance and socializing, but it is all pretty awesome. 17 - What have you learned about yourself from living in different places? That I am a lot mentally tougher than I thought I was. But that I am also just as emotional as I always knew I was.

18 - What have you learned about life in general from living in different places?

What a loaded question….I could go 2 ways here. Deep and philosophical, or surface and safe. I want to go into how life isn’t really that fair. That we are actually just lucky to have been born in Canada (or Australia etc…) and that so many people in this world didn’t get lucky and are living in conditions that most of us can’t even imagine. But I feel like this will then turn into an essay. So instead I am going to go with….groceries are super expensive in Australia, much cheaper in Canada, but dirt cheap in Kentucky.

19 - At the end of your life, how might these world-travels have made a difference for you?

I truly hope that they have made me a more patient, compassionate, empathetic, humorous, laid back, easygoing, kind, roll with the punches kinda gal. But we shall have to wait and see about that!