Ang on Autism

 1 -  Tell me 3 things in your life aside from having a child recently diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

My husband and I got married 3 days after I turned 18 and recently celebrated our 18th anniversary. 

Now we have four kids and I’ve been doing the stay at home mom thing for a loong time. 

I’ve learned the hard way that the stuff I need in my life to stay above water are girlfriends and laughter and exercise and music all in steady doses. Maybe I should just move our family to a dance floor.

2 -  Who are the people in your family? Tell me about your kids.

Emily-13: Artistic and bubbly and witty.
Tom-7: Bright and social and sensitive This interview is because of him.
Simon-6: Momma’s boy and gentle and tough.
Magdelina-3: Expressive and spunky and affectionate.
Steve-39: My husband has a rare deep soul that awes me and fills me with love for him. He has a heart of gold and he makes me laugh my butt off daily.


3 - Where do you live?

Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, BC.

4 - What’s life like over there?

It's an ocean-side town where retirees and golfers live in peace and harmony with young families and teenagers, most of the time. Life’s a beach. Actually it isn’t but living 2 minutes from the beach helps.

5 - What is autism?

Autism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior.
-Wikipedia

6 - What are some common misconceptions about autism?

One misconception that I had was that they are robotic people with no capacity for relationships. Tom has high-functioning autism, and he’s a very social person. But he is very rigid and when an invisible boundary in his mind is crossed he becomes extremely loud and emotional and inconsolable. Often he just wakes up that way. 

7 - What difference has it made to finally have a diagnosis for Tom?
 
My definition of Tom’s autism is confusing. But now that he has his diagnosis, a whole world of answers has only just been opened up before us. Those who’ve been close to me during this journey know what a weight has been lifted through this diagnosis.

8 -  What are some of your favorite things about your son Tom?

Tom is a serious romantic. He’s laid the designing of his future home to rest for now because he wants his wife to share in the planning. And last night he was digging through his collection of random things and he rediscovered the old little jewellery box for a ring that he’s been saving for when he asks a girl to marry him. I assured him that she’s going to love how he saved it just for her.

9 - Describe a great moment you’ve had with him recently.

He was so happy and hopeful when we checked out his new school this summer. Public school was like trying to fit a star into a square mold. He had an awful experience even though we had wonderful teachers. Not every kid is lucky enough to find school fun and easy. His new school is made for autistic spectrum kids. Just watching him explore the learning center equipped with a dimly lit relaxing lava lamps and pillows room, exercise equipment a big comfy couch and more, I could feel his spirit soaring. And every afternoon the kids take off and do gymnastics, swimming, hikes, etc etc. The kids can learn at the shared table, or lay on the floor and do their schoolwork or they can sit in a special room all by themselves. Tom shares his teacher with ONE other student!! One of my uber intellectual questions for the school director was whether the kids had to disassemble their Lego creation during clean-up like in public school. My great moment with Tom was watching a huge issue melt off his back as she said that she would often hide their creations in her desk for them.


10 - If it’s okay, tell me about what that was like for you as a mom, to start to tune in to something being a bit different about this beautiful soul.

 I don’t know. Tom is so very loud from the time he was a baby. His outbursts and behaviours took over all our senses and logic and we were in survival mode for years. Our tuning knobs were bust out and raw wires were all that remained. Only a few people understand what it’s been like for us. But then he would have a good afternoon or a good day and we’d be amazed again with the beautiful and interesting soul that he is. And then he’d have like 2 good days and we would tell ourselves that he would eventually grow out of his behaviours. It was really hard, that’s what it was.

11- What did you need from people at that time?

When Tom was 3 I needed our doctor to listen to me. I got a lecture for not feeding Tom only organic food and he reluctantly referred Tom to a pediatrician. The pediatrician said that Tom would grow out of it. We deeply wanted to believe him and part of us did.

12 -  What strengths inside yourself have you needed to draw upon?

Well, I’ve had to become far more resilient to how people perceive me in public. I secretly want us to be that nice quiet family that onlookers admire. The attentive mom with her darlings who wouldn’t think to displease her. Instead I have the opposite. I mean, we’ve fooled a few people here and there. There’s the sweet grannies who come to our table in restaurants to comment on how wonderfully behaved our children are. I hate that because then I’m on the edge of my seat waiting to pay the bill and get the heck out of there before all hell breaks loose. The thing with Autism is you don’t really get how you are affecting others and Tom has attracted a lot of attention with his public outbursts over the years. And of course that attention becomes directed at the seemingly brain-dead parents who have seemingly allowed and probably reinforced his behaviour thus creating the monster before them. That feeling of being judged left me in tears years ago. Now I just gotta say in my head: “Yeah, my kid’s too loud and I’m not reprimanding him because that will only make it worse at this point, so bite me” when I feel those eyes on me.

13 - What’s been the hardest part of this all?

I hate thinking about it but if only we had known early on when his mind was more pliable. Kids who are diagnosed early can improve dramatically through different therapies. So why aren’t doctors better informed? The latest statistic says that 1 in 68 kids in the US are on the autism spectrum.

14 - Who has been the most supportive?

Everyone. But, Tom’s grandmas have been huge to me through this.

15 - What has surprised you most about this all?

Honestly, that I want him the way he is. I never wanted a “different” child and the thought would have scared me to death back in the day but I have a good feeling about him. He has a pure heart.


16 - What are some of your hopes for Tom?

More honesty: His assessment showed that Tom is gifted. In an emotional moment for me, the psychologist assured us that our little conundrum could be the next Bill Gates. So my hope for Tom is that he will be able to go on many shopping sprees for his mom and give his parents a posh condo in Maui and a plane and also end world hunger in it‘s entirety. But I’d be pretty happy too if he found a satisfying job that utilizes his talents and pays the bills. I also hope that we can get him all the help he needs right now to overcome his verbal and expressive language learning disability. He’s going to need to accurately share what’s going on in his head from time to time. Thirdly, I hope that he finds that girl who’s going to appreciate the old jewellery box and that she appreciates the boy who saved it for her even more.

17 - What’s it like talking with friends and family about this situation?

They feel my joy. A fog has loomed over our family for centuries, okay more like 7 years. Now we find out that our beautiful yet confusing boy has a special gift that comes with all kinds of strengths and fascinating characteristics. And there’s a school and all kinds of programs in our area that are made just for him. Everyone is beaming with me.

Billy on Golf

1 - Tell me 3 things about yourself aside from being a golfer.

I pee a lot, especially when I drink. I love to sing loud ballads while I do the dishes. I am crazy about my girlfriend Meagan Bartel. 

2 - How long have you been golfing?

I can give you a ballpark figure, I’m 26 now and I started around 11 I think so let’s call it 15 years.

3 - How did you get started?

I knew my cousin Jon was an avid golfer and both my brother Tom and Dad golfed some so I guess I got the idea from them. 

4 - What does golf mean to you?

Golf is my playground, my therapy session, my idea of the perfect day. 

5 - What’s your favorite course to play regularly? How come?

I love playing carman. It’s tough but not too tough and it’s always in good shape. Also it used to be 30 bucks to play with cart after 3:00 pm which was a crazy deal…I think it’s more like 44 now, but still a great deal.

6 - What’s the best course you’ve ever played? 

Tower Ranch in Kelowna.

7 - On a scale of can’t-hit-the-ball to professional, how good are you?

I am about a 10 handicap. Handicap is your average amount above or below par. Pros are usually on or below par on courses WAY tougher than I usually play… so basically any given pro would beat me by about 15 strokes on any given day.

8 - What’s a common misconception non-golfers have about golf?

Just how difficult it really is.

9 - Is golf for everyone?

Nooooooooononononono. I talked to a teaching pro this summer in Abbotsford. He told me a story about trying to teach a large woman who wanted to learn so she could golf with her husband. He had to tell her that physically it just wasn’t doable.

10 - Describe the perfect golf game.

I’ve dreamed about that many times…pretty much it means I hit every ball on the screws and drain every putt. But coming back to reality…the perfect golf game starts with good buddies on a cool fall day with almost no wind, nobody holding us up, and beer.

11 - Tell me about a surprising moment you’ve had on the green.

My Uncle James took me golfing with Trevor Kidd last year for my birthday. Kidd hit a couple really bad shots and then followed it up by chunking a chip onto the green, he then proceeded to pick his ball up and not finish the hole. A bit of a baby move for a professional athlete.

12 - Tell me about an emotional moment you’ve had on the green.

Winning the Jon Heinrichs Memorial Texas Scramble in Roland. I was around 14 years old and we won with a convincing 14 under par. I know my uncle Don was on my team but I can't remember who else.

13 - Tell me about a funny time you’ve had while golfing.

It’s funny now but the tale of Barb and Alex and Falcon Lake Golf and Country I will not soon forget. Last year my family went camping at west hawk. I finally convinced my dad to go golfing with me. It was all set up for an early morning tee time at falcon. We were at the club house at the break of dawn for breakfast and had enough time to hit a few putts and warm up before the round, perfect. We only had a tee time for the 2 of us so it’s not uncommon to be paired up with a single or another 2 some. We get to the first tee box and there they were, Barb and her son Alex. Let’s just say their combined weight was about a hundred and six pounds and their maximum shot capacity if all the stars aligned was about 30 yards. The round was like a never ending nightmare of watch Barb instruct Alex, watch Alex hit it 15 yards. Then watch Barb hit it 15 yards and repeat. My Dad and I are both really nice people, especially my Dad. By hole 11 there were no goodbyes, there were no thanks for the game, there was just cloud of dust and 2 muttering Heinrichs men who just wanted to play some golf already. The final seven holes was a game of who can swing out their frusterations the hardest. It was the fastest seven holes of our lives. 

14 - What role does alcohol play in the game of golf?

Alcohol makes playing with Barb and Alex almost bearable…almost. No alcohol’s role is varied depending on who you are. It can be the one or two drinks that loosens you up to play a little better, or a messy beer a hole work golf tourney that gets way out of hand.

15 - Is there a lot of business schmoozing that goes on out there?

There is but most of the important schmoozing is done on private courses, where I rarely get a chance to play.

16 - Explain what people mean when they say that golfing is a stress-reliever.

It’s only a stress-reliever when you let it be. It can be so maddening to not be able to get that damn ball into the air or in the cup or out of the friggen sand or whatever, but if you can control your emotions and focus on the task at hand and clear your mind of everything else it can set you free.

17 - Tell me some thoughts on Tiger Woods, including his scandalous past.

he is the most exciting player to play the game. he should have never gotten married.

18 - Who’s your favorite person to golf with and why?

My Dad. I love showing him what I can do with a golf ball.

19 - Say something about the role golf has played in your life as you’ve gone through hard times.

It’s given me something to focus on other than the grief of losing my mom and brother.

20 - At the end of your life, what difference might having been a golfer have made for

you?

Maybe all the difference. Or maybe I just will have spent a hell of a lot more money..and a lot more time outdoors.

 

Scott on Hockey

1 -  Tell me 3 things about yourself aside from your relationship with hockey.

I have a 20-month-old daughter named Willa and she is my favorite human. I will be turning 30 later this month. I have a mild chest deformity and I am all right with it.

2 - What is your first memory of hockey?

My first memory of hockey would be skating around at the Wildwood Community Center in south Winnipeg, playing with other kids around my age, 4-5 or so I cant fully remember. We weren’t quite steady on our skates so we stuck to the junior rink that had no boards or nets. I remember going to the canteen and buying them out of Swedish berries and hot chocolate.

3 - Did you play hockey recreationally or competitively at any point as a kid?

I never played any competitive hockey as a kid, only recreationally with friends. We threw sticks in the middle to decide teams. I always loved that.

4 - Tell me about the role that the culture of hockey played in your youth.

I never really got into comic books as a kid, so all of the stars of hockey at that time were my superheroes, if you will. The things they did on the ice and their seemingly unlimited skill and energy made me believe that I could do anything. They were beyond inspiring.

5 - Who was your favorite NHL team as a kid? Why?

My favorite team was the Jets. How could it not be? I was lucky and privileged enough to see a lot of games when I was really young.  The Jet players were all over the media and in the community and it made them seem like such a real “home team”. I met the Jets goalie Bob Essensa when I was 12. He came to our school to talk to the patrols. I shook his hand and he gave me an autographed puck. I still have it. It’s right over there. One of the top 5 moments of my life.

6 - Who is your favorite player of all time? How come?

Joe Sakic. I really admired so many things about him as a player. He was an amazing goal scorer, and logged a ton of points, but he also was a guy who lead his team by example, and never really fought or got into the ugly side of the game. He was also very loyal, playing his entire career with the same team, something almost unheard of in todays NHL. I gravitate towards players who were great, but flew under the radar. Teppo Numminen anyone?

7 - How has your relationship with hockey evolved over time?

It has gone from being something purely entertaining as a child to now, I get SO into a game that it affects me physically. This past season for example, my wife and I bought the Jets TSN channel, and I would watch these games that went into overtime or were tied late in the 3^rd period or something and I would literally be in pain from heartburn or id be chewing my fingernails relentlessly. That all sounds so cliché and lame but its true. I get so wrapped up in it. Its an escape from my adult life I guess.

8 - Have you been playing in the last few years?

Yes. I have been playing since 2008 on the No Regretzkys. We play out of the Adult Safe Hockey League. We are co-ed. Its been some of the most fun I have ever had in my life. Our first season we had zero wins and 36 losses. We have won a few since then.

9 - What does playing hockey now mean to you?

It means having an hour a week to look forward to, and to forget about anything negative in my life and just go play a game I love with some amazing people.

10 - Describe a great moment you’ve had with hockey in the last year.

I’m not going to lie, scoring a goal feels pretty amazing. I played as a sub last year and for one game it worked out that I would play as a forward on the wing. I have really only ever played Defense and that’s what I know and feel comfortable with. My first shift came and the play was in their end, my teammate made an amazing pass to me from behind the net, and I buried it. There are few things in life that feel like that. It was great.

11 - What do you love most about the sport?

I love how it embodies so many different things at the same time. There is the obvious, the physicality, the aggression, the speed and skill, but there are also the less obvious elements. It can be a very intellectual game. There can be a flow to a game that is something of beauty. Hockey can be very predictable, but it can also be just downright random and strange.

12 - What’s something you don’t like about the game?

I don’t like where fighting has gotten in todays game. Its no longer some hockey players escalating into a fight, its fighters who happen to be in hockey gear “defending” their superstar players, or issuing some sort of statement on behalf of their team.  Every team seems to have a guy whose only role is to fight. I think that sucks.

13 - Tell me some thoughts on the NHL, in its present state.

This could be a very long answer. Ill keep it short. Right now, the NHL is on the verge of another player lockout. Millionaire owners who sign players to lengthy, and inflated contracts fighting with millionaire players who are busy Tweeting about their excessive night lives over who is more financially hard done by. It is silly. The NHL seems to be floundering under the giant egos of the owners and players, even though more and more people around the world are getting into NHL hockey.

14 - Talk to me a bit about the role of violence in the game. Necessary? Fun to watch? Impact on the young kids who watch?

As I said before, the violence in the game is at a strange place. It feels very pre meditated and excessive. As a kid on the eighties and nineties, the fighting then seemed more of a progression of the mild violence that is already a part of the game. Now it just feels so contrived.  

15 - How relevant is the game of hockey to Canadian culture these days?

I can’t really talk for anyone else. In my experience I came from a family and a group of friends that just loved hockey. It was something that made winter fun, and it was always exciting to watch playoff hockey on TV (even if the Jets were rarely in the playoffs.) As far as being relevant to Canadian culture… I don’t know! Honestly.

16 - What were you doing the moment you heard that the Winnipeg Jets were coming back?

I was supposed to be at work, but I had biked to the closest place I knew would have it on TV, and that turned out to be Jersey City in Polo Park mall. The store was full of strangers all watching TSN for the announcement. It was amazing!

17 - How did you feel when you heard?

I felt excited, but I also felt cynical about it. It felt cheap. Like a crappy car with a fancy paint job. I wasn’t totally sold until I went to a game.

18 - Now that they’re back, have you been to some games?

I have been to just one. It was the best hockey experience I have ever had in my life. It was against Washington, and the energy and volume of the fans was like nothing I have ever been a part of. I got a little emotional at the beginning, to be honest. It just brought back so many memories of my Dad and me at the old Arena. I miss him.

19 - What are your thoughts on the accessibility of Jets games for Winnipegers?

I’m a little torn on it… I understand people are mad that they cant afford to go to games, but what did we expect? If you want the best hockey in the world, then save up for it? I don’t know. On the other hand it really sucks that there are so few kids at the games. It’s a tough one.

20 - At the end of your life, what difference will hockey have made for you?

I have a lot of life to live yet, but I know that hockey has made a difference in my life because I feel like it’s a part of who I am. Its taught me about what it means to be teammate, and how awesome camaraderie is, especially when things get heated and people you hardly know stand up for you. I may or may not have also developed a “hockey temper” in the last few years.