The last time I interviewed Sheldon, he and his wife were anticipating adopting two girls from Ethiopia. Sadly, that plan fell through just weeks after Sheldon and I did the interview. Sheldon and his wife (and Eli!) must have the patience of saints, as once again they were back to waiting. Here's part of the beautiful and heroic story of how Eli came into their lives.
1. Tell me three more things about you!
• I’m the training manager at my current workplace.
• I have only about 50% hearing in my right ear, and am completely deaf in my left ear. If you see me out and about, and are yelling at me, chances are I’m not ignoring you.
• I love playing hockey and golf, but can’t really be bothered to actually practice most of the time. I need the competition aspect of it to keep my interested.
2. I understand you have become a dad since our last interview, who is your kid and how old is he now?
Our son’s name is Elijah, and he is almost 3 years old.
3. What’s he like?
As he has become more and more comfortable, Eli has begun acting more like we may generally expect a 2-3 year old born in Canada. He is generally a very happy, and very content boy. He seems to love his momma and daddy. He especially loves his Grandma’s and Grandpa’s. He does have his moments when he gets a little bossy, and a little cranky, but all in all, he has been an absolute blessing to us. It sounds so cliché, but it does feel like he has always been with us.
4. I remember you talking about two girls that you were waiting to adopt, do you mind speaking about how things changed?
You remember correctly regarding the fact that we were waiting to adopt the girls. The last time we talked was in mid October of 2012. On Halloween of 2012, we were informed that there was a very real possibility that our adoption of these girls would fall through. One month later, it became official, and in discussions between the adoption agencies, and ourselves, the decision was made that the girls would be re-unified with their birth family (not that we really had any choice in that matter, but it was decided by someone). We were devastated, but we again had a great support system which helped us through this incredibly difficult time. On February 1, 2013, exactly 2 months after we received that incredibly difficult news about the girls, we received a referral for a beautiful little almost 2 year old boy.
5. Can you tell me how you first heard about your future son?
On February 1, we received a call from our agency (Adoption Options) with the exiting news that we had a referral for a little boy. We had an inkling that something was up, due to some of the questions that we were being asked throughout the month of January, and we were ecstatic to receive a referral for this boy. Given our previous situation, we were just a bit more reserved about everything. We accepted as soon as we were able, and began preparing for life with one boy, instead of two girls.
6. When did you travel to Ethiopia to meet your son?
On May 10th, 2013, we left Winnipeg for a life changing journey to Ethiopia.
7. What was it like to set out on your journey across the world to meet him?
In most cases, the expectation is that a family adopting internationally from Ethiopia, would travel twice to Ethiopia. The first trip would be to attend court, and the 2nd trip would be the one where the adoptive family would be able to take custody of their child and then come home. The reason for this is the uncertainty of the amount of time between court and receiving a Visa to arrive back in Canada. Given the situation with the girls, we had the blessing of our agency (not usually recommended) to do everything in one trip. We had very understanding employers, and as we set off on this adventure, we did not know how long we would be gone. I had taken 4 months off, in the event that if there were delays, that I would have enough time, and Hilary was able to take a leave of absence as well. So when we left Canada on May 10th, we honestly didn’t know when we would be setting foot back in Canada again, and that was a scary proposition for us. As for the part about us journeying across the world to meet Elijah, it was an exciting adventure. Neither Hilary, nor I are travelers, and the whole thing felt a little out of control. That being said, we had had a number of years to prepare for this type of trip. We were ready for this experience in our minds. The “carrot” at the end of this journey was of course Eli, and we both couldn’t wait! Travelling to Ethiopia was both scary and exhilarating all at once. We had 3 flights from here to Ethiopia, and there many little issues as we began the journey. The flight from Toronto to Frankfurt, was frightfully hot, we almost missed the flight in Frankfurt, but hey, we could take it all in stride. This was going to be life changing!
8. Maybe a weird question, but did you feel connected to him before you met him? Was it scary to get your hopes up?
Given our situation before, and how we had fully invested ourselves into the girls, emotionally, it was very difficult to entirely connect ourselves to Eli until we were actually on our way to Ethiopia. I think that until we heard those words that officially made us his parents, we still struggled with attaching to Eli. When we met him after court, we jumped in totally. Even though the first few meetings didn’t necessarily go as well as we wanted (him running to us, and showing us his love right away), we started to feel that connection, and realized that this was our son, and we were his parents!
9. What was it like to finally meet your child after such a long wait?
It was a bit nerve wracking. We’d been dreaming of children for so long, we’d been praying for children for so long, we’d been dreaming and preparing Elijah for a few months. Finally, everything else was behind us. We met Eli on May 14. We had very strict rules about what we could or couldn’t do on this particular visit, so there wasn’t a lot interacting with Eli on an individual basis. He was/is a beautiful little boy, and it was obvious that he was loved in the orphanage, but we could also see some “sadness” in his eyes. We may not have actually seen it much then, but looking at those early pictures, compared to our boy now, it is amazing the difference.
10. When did you know that he was yours for forever?
On May 17th, we passed court. This was the final hurdle for Eli to become our son. Eli was ours. We went to visit immediately, and we got some one on one time with Eli that afternoon. While he wasn’t all that fond of us, we got him somewhat warmed up to us by the time we left. On May 20th, Eli’s 2nd birthday, he joined us for a van ride back to our guesthouse. We were finally a family of 3!
11. How long were you in Ethiopia? Do you think it was good for Eli to have you stay on his home turf for the first while?
We arrived in Ethiopia on May 11th, and arrived back in Winnipeg on June 28th, which is exactly 7 weeks if you’re keeping track at home. It was very good for Eli that we could spend our time together on his home turf for a period of time. While we didn’t do a lot touristy things in Ethiopia, we did spend some time walking around Addis, driving around with an excellent driver, and playing in our guesthouse courtyard. Eli had some favorite people in Ethiopia, and loved the guesthouse staff and always ran to them to see what they were up to, loved our driver, whom he still talks about by name on occasion, and loved chasing the guesthouse guard around the courtyard, and kicking the ball around. It was a little more comfortable for him, I think, to be able to get used to us in his own culture, and among people who looked more like him. It will have been a good experience for us as well, as it allows us to see what he may feel like later on in life. Being the people who looked different than almost everyone else was incredibly difficult, and intimidating for us, and it was always obvious to others that we probably didn’t belong. Don’t get me wrong, virtually everyone was friendly, and welcoming, but we also got taken advantage of in some situations where we probably wouldn’t have gotten a 2nd look had we been black.
12. What, pray tell, was the flight home like?
The flights home were uneventful for the most part. Due to the fact that we had to change our flights on short notice, we made the decision to fly directly from Addis to Toronto, and that was a great decision. The flight was very empty, and we had lots of room for ourselves. Eli didn’t seem too concerned about what was going on (although, I’m not sure he totally understood what flying is). Since we had so much room, we each were able to stretch out, and sleep, and I think we all got some good sleeps in during this flight. Again, due to the quick change of flights that we had had to do, we had a 12 or 14 hour layover in Toronto, so we gathered up all our luggage, and headed to a hotel to sleep for part of the wait, and also to swim a bit. This stretch was probably the most stressful of the trip, but it felt great to be back on Canadian soil. We were so close to being home. The flight home must have been so quick, cause I can’t even remember this part of the trip. Suddenly, we were back in Winnipeg, and we were preparing to go down the escalator to our waiting families. This is the part of the trip that I will always remember. We had so much support from our family and friends, and many of our closest friends and all of our family that could attend, were there. What a homecoming for us, but more importantly, for Eli.
13. What’s been the best part about having Eli at home with you?
I love Eli’s excitement and awe at little things. When he finishes a puzzle, or cleans up after himself going on the potty, his sense of accomplishment when he says “I did it”. Seeing a little guy learn like he has learned is amazing. I love coming home, and hearing “Daddy”.
14. What’s been hard about the transition / or even normal toddler stuff?
Some of the hard things are the hard things that everyone has to deal with. We are having to adjust our schedules around Eli. We can’t just up and leave whenever we want, like we were used to. After almost 12 years with no children, we got stuck in our routines, and it’s hard to break those routines at times. Eli has been an awesome kid, and is almost always a cheerful, energetic kid, but I’m not a young whipper snapper anymore, and I’m not always that energetic. Having to learn how to properly manage my time has been an adjustment to ensure that I have the energy for an almost 3 year old, and still have the energy to get things done has been a transition. When all is said and done, we have an awesome support system that has helped us learn to adjust to this new situation.
15. What does Eli love about living in Canada?
I’m not sure Eli loves the snow, but he is getting used to it. I’m not sure what things he loves about Canada at this point, but if I were to guess, it would be the frequent swimming dates with Momma, his trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, his uncles, aunts, and cousins, Sunday School, Play Group, his stuffies, and of course Zeke (our dog). He also loves our vehicle, “Big Red”, and constantly talks about it. He will also talk about busses quite frequently.
16. What do you imagine or know he misses about Ethiopia?
I’m not sure what he all remembers from the orphanage at this point, but I believe again, that he misses what used to be normal to him. Like I said earlier, he still talks about Markos (our driver), and he often asks to see Markos on my phone. He also misses Isaac (a little boy that he met after he joined our family, but while we were staying Ethiopia). He has seen Isaac once since we’ve been back in Winnipeg, and he can’t wait to see him again.
17. What’s the most helpful thing someone did for you through the adoption process?
Again, the prevailing theme in this interview is our support system. We had so much help from our friends and family in getting through what was a long journey. The most helpful thing that people did for us would be support us through prayer, but also in those kind words. During the first week or two that we were home, we had friends organize meals for us, which was incredibly helpful.
18. What’s the best thing people say when they see the diversity in your family?
I feel like the diversity in our family has been accepted very well. One thing that we were very concerned with early on is the comments that people make about transracial families. We have again been blessed by the fact that these types of comments haven’t been said to us. Of course, this isn’t all that is involved when discussing diversity, but to me it is the most visible part of this equation. We spend some time talking about all the ways that we are the same, but also all the ways that we are different, which hopefully will give Eli confidence in himself, and his abilities. I also hope that we can be positive role models for others in a similar family situation.
19. Tell me how your life has been changed most profoundly?
As I said earlier, our lives have changed a great deal with what types of events we can do, and when we can do them, but we totally love our lives. Eli brings smiles to our faces when we might not really be in the mood to smile. Hilary and I are learning how to parent, and learning that even though we are always trying to do it right, there may be times when we screw up (I know, I know, I was surprised that I screw up sometimes too). Eli is always chattering away, and is soaking things up like a sponge. We are his primary teachers, in life, and with that comes great responsibility. We are enjoying that responsibility, and we hope that he will continue to soak it all up, and do great things as he grows older.
20. What is your biggest hope or wish for Eli as he grows up?
I want Eli to enjoy life and love the Lord. I really would love for him to enjoy sports, but we’ll see where his interests lie. I hope that he enjoys learning, and never stops. I hope our relationship to each other will be as strong as possible. I hope that Eli will have a love for his birth country (Ethiopia), and his adopted country (Canada).
2. I understand you have become a dad since our last interview, who is your kid and how old is he now?
Our son’s name is Elijah, and he is almost 3 years old.
3. What’s he like?
As he has become more and more comfortable, Eli has begun acting more like we may generally expect a 2-3 year old born in Canada. He is generally a very happy, and very content boy. He seems to love his momma and daddy. He especially loves his Grandma’s and Grandpa’s. He does have his moments when he gets a little bossy, and a little cranky, but all in all, he has been an absolute blessing to us. It sounds so cliché, but it does feel like he has always been with us.
4. I remember you talking about two girls that you were waiting to adopt, do you mind speaking about how things changed?
You remember correctly regarding the fact that we were waiting to adopt the girls. The last time we talked was in mid October of 2012. On Halloween of 2012, we were informed that there was a very real possibility that our adoption of these girls would fall through. One month later, it became official, and in discussions between the adoption agencies, and ourselves, the decision was made that the girls would be re-unified with their birth family (not that we really had any choice in that matter, but it was decided by someone). We were devastated, but we again had a great support system which helped us through this incredibly difficult time. On February 1, 2013, exactly 2 months after we received that incredibly difficult news about the girls, we received a referral for a beautiful little almost 2 year old boy.
5. Can you tell me how you first heard about your future son?
On February 1, we received a call from our agency (Adoption Options) with the exiting news that we had a referral for a little boy. We had an inkling that something was up, due to some of the questions that we were being asked throughout the month of January, and we were ecstatic to receive a referral for this boy. Given our previous situation, we were just a bit more reserved about everything. We accepted as soon as we were able, and began preparing for life with one boy, instead of two girls.
6. When did you travel to Ethiopia to meet your son?
On May 10th, 2013, we left Winnipeg for a life changing journey to Ethiopia.
7. What was it like to set out on your journey across the world to meet him?
In most cases, the expectation is that a family adopting internationally from Ethiopia, would travel twice to Ethiopia. The first trip would be to attend court, and the 2nd trip would be the one where the adoptive family would be able to take custody of their child and then come home. The reason for this is the uncertainty of the amount of time between court and receiving a Visa to arrive back in Canada. Given the situation with the girls, we had the blessing of our agency (not usually recommended) to do everything in one trip. We had very understanding employers, and as we set off on this adventure, we did not know how long we would be gone. I had taken 4 months off, in the event that if there were delays, that I would have enough time, and Hilary was able to take a leave of absence as well. So when we left Canada on May 10th, we honestly didn’t know when we would be setting foot back in Canada again, and that was a scary proposition for us. As for the part about us journeying across the world to meet Elijah, it was an exciting adventure. Neither Hilary, nor I are travelers, and the whole thing felt a little out of control. That being said, we had had a number of years to prepare for this type of trip. We were ready for this experience in our minds. The “carrot” at the end of this journey was of course Eli, and we both couldn’t wait! Travelling to Ethiopia was both scary and exhilarating all at once. We had 3 flights from here to Ethiopia, and there many little issues as we began the journey. The flight from Toronto to Frankfurt, was frightfully hot, we almost missed the flight in Frankfurt, but hey, we could take it all in stride. This was going to be life changing!
8. Maybe a weird question, but did you feel connected to him before you met him? Was it scary to get your hopes up?
Given our situation before, and how we had fully invested ourselves into the girls, emotionally, it was very difficult to entirely connect ourselves to Eli until we were actually on our way to Ethiopia. I think that until we heard those words that officially made us his parents, we still struggled with attaching to Eli. When we met him after court, we jumped in totally. Even though the first few meetings didn’t necessarily go as well as we wanted (him running to us, and showing us his love right away), we started to feel that connection, and realized that this was our son, and we were his parents!
9. What was it like to finally meet your child after such a long wait?
It was a bit nerve wracking. We’d been dreaming of children for so long, we’d been praying for children for so long, we’d been dreaming and preparing Elijah for a few months. Finally, everything else was behind us. We met Eli on May 14. We had very strict rules about what we could or couldn’t do on this particular visit, so there wasn’t a lot interacting with Eli on an individual basis. He was/is a beautiful little boy, and it was obvious that he was loved in the orphanage, but we could also see some “sadness” in his eyes. We may not have actually seen it much then, but looking at those early pictures, compared to our boy now, it is amazing the difference.
10. When did you know that he was yours for forever?
On May 17th, we passed court. This was the final hurdle for Eli to become our son. Eli was ours. We went to visit immediately, and we got some one on one time with Eli that afternoon. While he wasn’t all that fond of us, we got him somewhat warmed up to us by the time we left. On May 20th, Eli’s 2nd birthday, he joined us for a van ride back to our guesthouse. We were finally a family of 3!
11. How long were you in Ethiopia? Do you think it was good for Eli to have you stay on his home turf for the first while?
We arrived in Ethiopia on May 11th, and arrived back in Winnipeg on June 28th, which is exactly 7 weeks if you’re keeping track at home. It was very good for Eli that we could spend our time together on his home turf for a period of time. While we didn’t do a lot touristy things in Ethiopia, we did spend some time walking around Addis, driving around with an excellent driver, and playing in our guesthouse courtyard. Eli had some favorite people in Ethiopia, and loved the guesthouse staff and always ran to them to see what they were up to, loved our driver, whom he still talks about by name on occasion, and loved chasing the guesthouse guard around the courtyard, and kicking the ball around. It was a little more comfortable for him, I think, to be able to get used to us in his own culture, and among people who looked more like him. It will have been a good experience for us as well, as it allows us to see what he may feel like later on in life. Being the people who looked different than almost everyone else was incredibly difficult, and intimidating for us, and it was always obvious to others that we probably didn’t belong. Don’t get me wrong, virtually everyone was friendly, and welcoming, but we also got taken advantage of in some situations where we probably wouldn’t have gotten a 2nd look had we been black.
12. What, pray tell, was the flight home like?
The flights home were uneventful for the most part. Due to the fact that we had to change our flights on short notice, we made the decision to fly directly from Addis to Toronto, and that was a great decision. The flight was very empty, and we had lots of room for ourselves. Eli didn’t seem too concerned about what was going on (although, I’m not sure he totally understood what flying is). Since we had so much room, we each were able to stretch out, and sleep, and I think we all got some good sleeps in during this flight. Again, due to the quick change of flights that we had had to do, we had a 12 or 14 hour layover in Toronto, so we gathered up all our luggage, and headed to a hotel to sleep for part of the wait, and also to swim a bit. This stretch was probably the most stressful of the trip, but it felt great to be back on Canadian soil. We were so close to being home. The flight home must have been so quick, cause I can’t even remember this part of the trip. Suddenly, we were back in Winnipeg, and we were preparing to go down the escalator to our waiting families. This is the part of the trip that I will always remember. We had so much support from our family and friends, and many of our closest friends and all of our family that could attend, were there. What a homecoming for us, but more importantly, for Eli.
13. What’s been the best part about having Eli at home with you?
I love Eli’s excitement and awe at little things. When he finishes a puzzle, or cleans up after himself going on the potty, his sense of accomplishment when he says “I did it”. Seeing a little guy learn like he has learned is amazing. I love coming home, and hearing “Daddy”.
14. What’s been hard about the transition / or even normal toddler stuff?
Some of the hard things are the hard things that everyone has to deal with. We are having to adjust our schedules around Eli. We can’t just up and leave whenever we want, like we were used to. After almost 12 years with no children, we got stuck in our routines, and it’s hard to break those routines at times. Eli has been an awesome kid, and is almost always a cheerful, energetic kid, but I’m not a young whipper snapper anymore, and I’m not always that energetic. Having to learn how to properly manage my time has been an adjustment to ensure that I have the energy for an almost 3 year old, and still have the energy to get things done has been a transition. When all is said and done, we have an awesome support system that has helped us learn to adjust to this new situation.
15. What does Eli love about living in Canada?
I’m not sure Eli loves the snow, but he is getting used to it. I’m not sure what things he loves about Canada at this point, but if I were to guess, it would be the frequent swimming dates with Momma, his trips to Grandma and Grandpa’s, his uncles, aunts, and cousins, Sunday School, Play Group, his stuffies, and of course Zeke (our dog). He also loves our vehicle, “Big Red”, and constantly talks about it. He will also talk about busses quite frequently.
16. What do you imagine or know he misses about Ethiopia?
I’m not sure what he all remembers from the orphanage at this point, but I believe again, that he misses what used to be normal to him. Like I said earlier, he still talks about Markos (our driver), and he often asks to see Markos on my phone. He also misses Isaac (a little boy that he met after he joined our family, but while we were staying Ethiopia). He has seen Isaac once since we’ve been back in Winnipeg, and he can’t wait to see him again.
17. What’s the most helpful thing someone did for you through the adoption process?
Again, the prevailing theme in this interview is our support system. We had so much help from our friends and family in getting through what was a long journey. The most helpful thing that people did for us would be support us through prayer, but also in those kind words. During the first week or two that we were home, we had friends organize meals for us, which was incredibly helpful.
18. What’s the best thing people say when they see the diversity in your family?
I feel like the diversity in our family has been accepted very well. One thing that we were very concerned with early on is the comments that people make about transracial families. We have again been blessed by the fact that these types of comments haven’t been said to us. Of course, this isn’t all that is involved when discussing diversity, but to me it is the most visible part of this equation. We spend some time talking about all the ways that we are the same, but also all the ways that we are different, which hopefully will give Eli confidence in himself, and his abilities. I also hope that we can be positive role models for others in a similar family situation.
19. Tell me how your life has been changed most profoundly?
As I said earlier, our lives have changed a great deal with what types of events we can do, and when we can do them, but we totally love our lives. Eli brings smiles to our faces when we might not really be in the mood to smile. Hilary and I are learning how to parent, and learning that even though we are always trying to do it right, there may be times when we screw up (I know, I know, I was surprised that I screw up sometimes too). Eli is always chattering away, and is soaking things up like a sponge. We are his primary teachers, in life, and with that comes great responsibility. We are enjoying that responsibility, and we hope that he will continue to soak it all up, and do great things as he grows older.
20. What is your biggest hope or wish for Eli as he grows up?
I want Eli to enjoy life and love the Lord. I really would love for him to enjoy sports, but we’ll see where his interests lie. I hope that he enjoys learning, and never stops. I hope our relationship to each other will be as strong as possible. I hope that Eli will have a love for his birth country (Ethiopia), and his adopted country (Canada).
so great, Jen!
ReplyDeleteSheldon, Hilary and Eli are friends of our and it is so much fun to see them as a family. Eli has been a blessing to our church family and he is loved!!!
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