Lea on Having a New Baby

1 – Tell me three things about yourself aside from having a new baby.

-We have two big dogs, Roman, a rescued, ex-racing greyhound and a rescued lab/greyhound Jackson (our fur children).

-My hubby and I play in a band, heartbeat city. I learned to play the drums just over a year ago.

-We traveled to Iceland last year and it was pretty much the awesomest trip ever. It haunts me.

2 – Who is your baby?

Her name is Clementine Rose Gina Magdelene Neufeld La Rue. Want the story of the names? Clementine is just a name i loved. Rose, for Sigur Ros, Ian's favorite band from our favorite place on earth (Iceland). Gina, our amazing, strong, humble, kind midwife (we had a home birth and she got us through it with grace and humor . And Magdelene, a combination of our grandma's names, Helene and Margaret.

3 – When was she born? So that makes her how many weeks?

She was born July 1, 2012 on our bed at home. Nine days before her due date. She is 8 weeks old.

4 – On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love her by now?

11. My love for her has grown as I get to know her, and feel a bit less terrified at the idea of being a parent/having her depend on me.

5 – What was your pregnancy like?

Other than three months of "morning" sickness and a few hormone-driven meltdowns, pregnancy was a breeze. I was able to take time for myself in the name of being pregnant!

6 – What is so far the most magical thing about having a newborn?

That she exists. That she is part of both of us, and also a total separate being. Also, watching how quickly she grows and develops. Last week she learned to smile. Now she spends a solid chunk of time smiling everyday!

7 – What has been the most difficult part about having a newborn up to this point?

Lack of sleep. That mixed with hormones has made for some crazy days. Being a parent can be really isolating and I've struggled with the feeling of being alone and having someone rely on me so much. Also feeling like you've sort of got the hang of things, and then the next day it all goes to shit. That's tough. On a larger scale, I still struggle to be confident in the choices that I make as a parent.

8 – Tell me something great about your daughter.

She's extremely strong, very chatty and a sensitive soul.

9 – As your baby’s stylist, how important is it to you that she is well-dressed?

I love dressing my baby. I've had fun searching thrift stores and garage sales for clothing for her. That being said, we are cautious to dress her in certain types of clothing, particularly anything princess-related. I get frustrated with how gendered clothing/colours are. We pick clothing we like, and get rid of the rest.

10 – What’s it like to be a mom? How has it changed how you see yourself?

I'm just starting to realize that I am a mom, and that Clementine Rose is my DAUGHTER. I am totally humbled by that. I haven"t had much time or space to reflect on my new role. I guess I would say that sometimes I'm amazed at my ability to make it through some of the difficult days, particularly going through the birth process. I am stronger than I think.


11 – Who have you found to be the most supportive of your new family?

Our friends and family have been extremely supportive. People have been really generous, particularly in sharing their parenting wisdom and their own experiences. Our midwives were crucial in supporting us and convincing us that we were capable of being parents. It's true what they say, it takes a village to raise a child.

12 – What’s been the most helpful thing someone’s done for you guys so far?

My mom has come over after a a night or two without sleep and taken Clementine Rose for a walk so I could have a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep. Those precious hours of sleep have really helped get me through the rough patches.

13 – Give me an idea of how much your life has changed.

I used to be able to leave the house with keys and a wallet. Now I can't leave without a giant diaper bag, a sling/baby carrier, and of course, a baby. It's a good metaphor I think. There is a lot more stuff, and not just the physical stuff. Even when I'm not with CR, I am thinking about her. When I'm not thinking about/tending to her needs in the present, I'm thinking about our future together. We joke that we used to feel like we had a lot of responsibility (with the dogs especially) but we were living fancy free!

14 – What’s something you miss about being kid-free?

Sleep, hands-down. That and our somewhat spontaneous road trips.

15 – Do you ever get moments to yourself? How do you spend them?

So far I haven't had too many moments to myself. When I do, I sleep or put away laundry. In no particular order, I'd like (1) to swim/go to yoga/go on a bike ride and (2) have several glasses of wine with my girlfriend on a patio somewhere.

16 – Tell me about your pets. How have they responded to you having a baby?

Our pets have eased into the transition with grace. Roman seems generally unaffected. Jackson is a gentle giant, curious but respectful. He's given CR a few face-soaking licks which she is seemingly unaffected by. We both make an effort to make sure the dogs get some lovin'.

17 – How has your relationship with your husband changed since having a baby?

Learning to be parents together has certainly added a new layer to our relationship. It has been both challenging and exciting as we've had to get to know each other in our new roles. We've had to support one another in difficult moments ( hours and days) while experiencing your own difficult moments.We both take the business of parenting quite seriously. We've had a lot of amazing discussions about how we want to raise CR. It's been wonderful to get to know Ian in that way and to start putting that in to practice.

I think we've also had to change our ideas around intimacy. Finding intimacy in everyday moments and making time to be intimate everyday when it can feel like there is no time.

I always suspected it but it's recently been confirmed that Ian is a real life superhero. In the moments when it feels like the world is falling to pieces, he swoops in and saves the day. Also, watching him with Clementine Rose makes my heart burst out of my chest. I love him more and more everyday and even more than I thought possible.

18 – If you could have three wishes for your daughter’s life, what would they be?

To be courageous. To be able to speak and act from her heart.

To know the gifts of imperfection. We are both perfectionists. Though I know there have some good things that have come from this, we have generally been pretty hard on ourselves. So to be gentle with herself, and know her gifts.

Finally, to be comfortable and confident in her own body.

19 – How has having a newborn changed your perspective on life?

We've taken on a new mantra "stop, drop and roll".... If something isn't working, stop it, drop it and roll with the situation. Mainly this refers to how people treat each other, the drama we create. I feel like since we've had CR life has felt more stripped down, and raw. It's been really refreshing.
I think that going through birth and having a newborn reaffirms how strong women are. We do what needs to get done. That and what I said before, which is it takes a village to raise a baby. Even though we can do it alone, we shouldn't. I see how crucial it is to have support for mom and family particularly in the post postpartum time (and beyond, I'm sure)

20 – At the end of your life, how might having a newborn have made a difference for you?

This experience has been profound. In a general sense, having a newborn who will eventually turn in to a kid and then an adult has really made me think about who I want to be as a mom and as a person. We are her biggest role model (or at least most constant).

Having experienced the ups and downs of having a newborn, I hope that I can have the courage to support other people with newborns. Having a newborn can be both isolating and provide a basis for connection. I hope I can be part of the connecting part. Children used to be raised amongst our friends, family and community. We live insulated lives as separate households and families and I hope that having a child bridges those gaps and creates a larger network for my little family.