Karley on Life in Different Places

It's been a pretty long winter, maybe everywhere, but definitely here in Winnipeg. This got me to thinking about this hilarious and down to earth woman I know, Karley. I knew she had spent some years living in Playa del Carmen, Mexico and I thought she might have some insight on how we (all of us) might move there as well. I could have asked her a thousand more questions but tried to stick to the weather theme. Thanks for the interview Karley, I have massive admiration for you!

1.     Tell me 3 things about yourself! Besides where you’ve lived.

- I love dancing. If I could go dancing every weekend I would. It's the biggest rush and I feel on top of the world when I'm feeling the music and busting ridiculous moves.

- I am IN love with my best friend who I married this past summer.

- I love loud crowded busy places.

2.     Where did you grow up?

I grew up on a farm outside of Carman, Manitoba before moving to Rosenort, Mb.

3.     Growing up, what was your favourite season and why?

My favorite season has always been summer. It brings out the best in everyone and everything.

4.     Tell me about the places in the world you’ve been since high school.

Travelled a lot in China but lived in Xi'an and Chengdu.

Playa del Carmen, Mexico.

Rosario, Argentina. 

5.     What’s your favourite place that you’ve visited or lived and what makes it your favourite?

Living - Playa del Carmen. Visited -Yangshuo China. The most beautiful scenery you could imagine.

6.     How did you end up in Playa del Carmen, Mexico and how long did you live there?

I moved to Playa because I wanted to live in summer. I'm obsessed with the ocean, the beach and the healthy outdoor lifestyle.

7.     Do you remember your first impressions of it?

My first impressions were 'wow, paradise does exist. I've found my home' also, I was surprised by how many Italians and North Americans reside there.

8.     How would you describe Playa, in a few words?

It's a magical place where time stops and nearly everyone you see has a smile on their face.

9.     What’s the weather like there?

The weather is shockingly hot in the summer months. Rainy season seems never ending. It's almost a relief having a few days of rain. The air is always so fresh.

10.  You had a baby while living there, what was it like raising a baby in Playa?

Contrary to mislead beliefs that everywhere in Mexico is dangerous.. Playa is an amazing place to raise a baby. You live outside. There are so many expat moms with babies to hang out with and your child will become bilingual and often trilingual.

11.  Can you say something about how the weather/climate affected the culture of Playa?

The weather makes it so no one really cares about having the fanciest homes. You literally live outside. Meet outside. Walk everywhere. I never watched TV.

12.  What was the best thing about life over there?

The best thing for me about life over there was going to the beach after work and the laid back lifestyle. You are encouraged to bring your children to outdoor pubs instead of being looked down on for involving your family in nightlife or having a life outside the home.

13.  What’s something that was hard about living in a Mexican resort town?

For me I found it aggravating when I was confused with a rich tourist who would be willingly ripped off.

14.  What part of Playa do the tourists not see?

I always enjoyed walking around town past the tourist streets and seeing the families hanging out in the streets having bbqs and blasting their music outside insanely loud.

15.  How was it to come back to Manitoba, for you and your daughter?

It was hard to leave Mexico because I love living abroad however I'm happy Amy now has the chance to see her family here regularly and I reunited with the absolute love of my life. I would live in the North Pole for the rest of my life if I had to for us to be together.

16.  How do you feel about our climate in Manitoba?

I will honestly never enjoy the winter months. I never have. I think we have the best summers here and the beginning of autumn is stunning.

17.  Can you say something, in your experience, about how the weather affects the culture of Winnipeg?

I think here the face that we have to endure so much cold weather makes a lot of Manitobans prone to winter laziness. At least it does for me. I envy the people who make the best of winter and embrace winter sports. I just can't do it.

18.  How is daily life different in Winnipeg than Playa, including life with the baby boy you are also raising here?

Daily life here is more mechanical and scheduled. And that's not a bad thing. It's just the way it is. I am lucky enough that I'm married to a man who embraces my spontaneity and non-uniform ways of living life.

19.  How does the climate in Winnipeg affect you?

The climate here affects me so much. In the summer I will go for walks for hours and hours with my family. I sleep and eat better. The winter I have to really try hard to get up and go.

20.  I heard you’re hoping to move back there. If everything works out, what are your hopes for what life will be like back in Mexico with your beautiful family?

My hopes are living life simply, happily, healthily and fused with culture and language. I think families raised around people from all over the world are enriched so much that you focus more on 'now' instead of just preparing for later.

Thanks, guys.

Hi!

I just wanted to say thanks for all of the warm support following my last interview. After a long, unplanned hiatus from here, that sure meant a lot to me. (Not to mention how grateful I am for people's kindness around the whole beautiful event of Ben coming into our lives!) When people show that sort of love, I can only hope I will be as kind in return someday.

I think Ben needs a diaper change,

Jen

Jennifer on being Ben's Mom

(My dear pal Amanda helped me resurrect this beast by spontaneously emailing me this interview. It was pretty meaningful to go through it, actually. Here's hoping I can interview all of you now, too!)

1.  Besides being ben's mom, can you tell us three things about yourself?

I’m fiery! Stubborn at my worst and fiercely passionate and compassionate at my best.

I have my dream job as a Family Therapist.

I like the thought of growing old, and always have. And I’m not afraid of dying.

2.  Besides being the cutest guy on earth, can you tell us three things about your son, Ben?

He’s an old soul.

He’s a great kisser.

No matter what, he always seems to be up for a laugh. Lately, every time I say "I love butter" he loses it.

3. When was the moment in the process of adoption that you knew Ben was your son?

I was in the shower last Spring when the phone rang. I never do this but I got out of the shower to answer it. It was our social worker calling to tell us that there was a pregnant woman coming in to pick a family for adoption. Even though it was a longshot any way you looked at it, I got back in the shower knowing that our baby was on the way.

4.  When/how did you know that you wanted to be a mother?

Hm. Growing up in a family of five kids, I was pretty sure I didn't want kids of my own. This turned into ambivalence as I became an adult. I never had that "urge" that some women talk about. But honestly the first moment I knew for sure was when I saw him fly into the world. I had the most intense urge to mother him the second I laid eyes on him.

5.  How has being a mother made you think about(/long for/love) your mom differently?

At 3 am when I’m rocking Ben, I think of everything she must have done for me.

I long to be with her physically, as a grandma to Ben and a mom to me. 

I would love to be able to go to her house, put Ben in her arms, and eat her homemade soup and buns and maybe share a bottle of wine with her in the middle of the day. She would have a good laugh, watching me be a mom.

6. How has being ben's mom affected your grief?

Ben has brought a lot of healing to my broken heart. After losing two of my soulmates – my brother and mom, I feel like I gained one by Ben coming into my life. 

7. How has being a mother changed you the most powerfully?

It has humbled me. We’re all doing our best, and lots of the time we're just trying to get through the day. It has also brought me a great deal of peace.

8.  How does it feel to function on so little sleep? ;)

I am a suck when it comes to sleep and I need a lot of it! I feel insane somedays. I miss sleep so much. It’s the hardest thing about having a baby for me.

9.  What has having your own child done to your obsession with babies?

Well now I have a favourite! But I still love them all. 

10.  How has Ben most deeply affected your family?

Ben brings healing wherever he goes J

11.  What has been especially healing in your experience of having Ben/becoming a mom?

I used to put almost all of my energy into everyone around me, and I had a hard time justifying nurturing or investing in my self. It took me up until now to realize that we are all worthy of the same love, even moi!

12.  How does being a mother affect your relationship with Jesse?

Hmm. We have to be so kind and supportive to each other, or the whole thing could collapse! Haha. We take turns weeping/being brave for each other in the middle of the night during the rough weeks. So there is a new sort of intimacy in those moments.

13.  Do you have a philosophy about mothering?  What is it like?  Where did it come from?

Do what works and be gentle with yourself. Everything else is a bonus. It comes from having my ego stripped down by my challenging little angel.

14.  How has being a mother impacted your work?  (I mean besides mat leave...How has it affected how you feel about and approach your work?)

I think I have even more compassion. And am less sure about things I used to hold as truths.

15.  Remember your dog and cat?  ;)  How are they?

What? I don’t know who or what you are referring to. Actually I miss my dog a lot. I haven’t walked him in months. The cat actually loves the baby, the dog is maybe a little sad.

16.  What has been the most interesting thing about the process of adoption?

The whole thing is a mindf*ck if you really think about it. But so insanely beautiful as well!! How Ben's birth mom had the courage to go through what she did, and how we had the guts to go for it as well, will never fully make sense to me - and yet the whole thing was so seamless and in so many ways made perfect sense. But what stands out for me the most is that destiny is far more powerful than we are, especially when we let go, and we’ll end up with who we are meant to end up with. I absolutely believe that.

17.  What is the hardest part of being a mom?

No time for myself and no sleep. I’d pay huge dollars for either of those.

18.  What is the best thing ever about being a mom?

I definitely don't believe you need to be a mom to feel this, but life has a feeling of wholeness. I guess that's more about Ben coming into my life specifically, rather than being a mom in general. It's hard for me to separate the two.

19.  What is the most powerful thing you've learned from your mom about being a mom?

Hm. Relax, laugh and don’t take any of it too seriously. Also, there's more to life than just being a mom - she was so good at the balance between work, friendships, family, and relaxing all the way through.

20.  Both of your sisters are mothers too.  What have you learned from them, respectively?

Kate has four kids and works a tonne as a nurse, so I learn from her that endless amounts of energy are possible when you need it. From Sara I learn more of the practical things. She reminds me when it’s time for Ben to start different things developmentally, like eating solids, or napping less, or what helps with teething.

Both of my sisters are heroes, thank goodness for both of them.

21.  What does it feel like to have your heart crawling around outside of your body in the form of a darling six-month-old?

It feels pretty damn good, actually. Life is so terrifying anyway, we might as well go all in.

Bree-Ann on Being a Doula

1 – Tell me three things about yourself aside from being a doula.

I have a beautiful almost-two-year-old daughter, Aida and a fantastic husband, Curran and a very hilarious dog named Goblin and I love them more than everything else.

I have been with my husband since I was 14 years old and continue to fall more in love with him all the time. Is that even possible? Geeze.

I really want to own a hobby farm one day and become more self-sufficient.

2 – What exactly is a doula?

She is so many things! Very generally though, a doula is a continuous support person for a mother and her partner before, during and following birth. She is a source for information, emotional and physical support during labour and an advocate for the family-to-be.

3 – In your opinion, what makes a good doula?

I think that it is something that has to come pretty naturally to someone. You can take all the training in the world but if you are not compassionate, empathetic person with an innate ability to read peoples’ needs and feelings you are not going to be a successful doula. Keeping the environment calm is a huge role of the doula so she must also have a confident, calming presence. Obviously an extreme interest in pregnancy/childbirth/parenthood is also essential. Something else I think is crucial, although there are some doulas out there that would not agree, is an entire lack of an agenda. It is so important that every woman have the right to strive for whatever birth she wants. A doula should be there to support the family in any decision they make without judgment. Most people know if the carrier is a right fit and if they will be good at it within the first couple births they attend. 

4 – What does it take to become one?

Foremost: the desire to be a doula. Really, any one who assists a mother during birth is playing the role. How to become a certified doula though depends on the association that you want to be certified with. Usually certification requires you to take a few training courses which come with long list of required reading and the like. You are also required to attend a certain number of births and receive evaluations from the mother, nurse and doctor or midwife. This is usually the most difficult part of becoming certified since a lot of doctors don’t care enough to take two seconds to fill out your evaluation. It’s bananas to me that a doctor’s evaluation is required at all. The doctor (not midwife) almost always shows up just as the baby is crowning so they haven’t seen you do much (if they notice you at all). It can be very disheartening to put all your time and effort into a birth and if the doctor doesn’t want to circle a few numbers on a piece of paper for you, you cannot use that birth for certification. It’s just crazy! Just one of the many reasons why it is so awesome to attend a birth with a midwife!

5 – Are doulas a new thing, or an old thing?

They have been around as long as we have.

6 – How is a doula different than having, say a sister, mom or friend as a support during birth?

Aside from all the training and knowledge a doula has concerning pregnancy, labour, birth, breastfeeding, baby care, postpartum care for mom and family, a mother is allowed to be exactly who she is with a doula. She isn’t concerned with offending or feeling like she needs to please her doula in the same way she may with someone she is close with. As much as a doula grows to love her clients, it is not the same as someone close to the mother and therefore her opinions and advice don’t come with the same biases as say the mothers or sisters would. She is the third party support whose sole concerns are for the mom, baby and partner. 

7 – Probably an obvious question, but what are the major differences between a doula and a midwife?

You would be surprised how often people ask me this question. I guess it is not that obvious but they are two entirely different things. A doula doesn’t perform any medical tasks or exams of any sort. A midwife cares for the mother throughout pregnancy and assists her in birthing her baby. The midwife performs all the medical exams and is present to ensure the safety of both mom and baby. The doula is there to support mom and partner through the labour and initial postpartum period.

8 – How were you introduced to the doula world?

I had never actually heard of a doula until I was pregnant. I very much wanted a midwife but when I couldn’t get one a friend of mine suggested we get a doula. It turned out to be a life-changing piece of advice. 

9 – You have a young daughter. Did you have a doula for her birth? What was that like?

Yes. It was pretty incredible. At first I was extremely unsure about it and to be honest a bit weirded out by the idea of a stranger being involved in the most intimate event in my life, but it was very much the opposite. Curran was actually the one who pushed to have a doula. I think he was (understandably) feeling a bit overwhelmed and nervous about being my sole support person through labour. He was very aware that in the hospital we would mostly be left to labour on our own while the nurses would be in and out and changing shifts throughout. I finally agreed and we met with our doula a few times before my due date. After our second visit I began to feel like we were connecting more and more. When she met us at the hospital I felt like I had known her forever. She made me feel comfortable and confident. I spent most of my labour in my own world and often had no idea what was going on around me but what I could feel for sure was that both she and Curran were calm and relaxed. And although I was not mentally present for a large part of my labour, when I would experience a different sensation or begin to feel like I couldn’t handle anymore, I would come back to the present and just look at her and with one simple question and a nod of my head she knew exactly where I was in my labour or exactly what to say to keep me going and confident that I could do it.

She knew what I needed when I needed it without my having to say it. I was kept hydrated without having to think “I should probably drink something”, a straw would simply show up at my lips every so often. I was reminded to pee – something that may not sound important but is actually very crucial and often not thought about by a labouring mom. I was massaged and touched when I needed to be and left alone when I couldn’t handle it. Curran was an amazing labour partner but if it hadn’t been for our doula he would not have been calm throughout the process which would have changed my labour entirely. As much as she reassured me she also helped Curran understand what was normal and in doing so allowed him to relax and just help me labour. We both felt secure having another constant presence there to looking out for our needs.  

10 – What difference would a/ did a doula make for you during your pregnancy and birth of Aida?

All the difference. It is very hard to put into words but anyone who has ever had a doula present at their birth will know exactly what I mean.

11 – How does doula philosophy fit in with western medicine’s take on pregnancy and childbirth?

I see the doula philosophy as giving the power of labour and birth back to the mother and I often feel that western medicine is built in such a way that this power and choice is often taken away. I in no way believe that western medicine has no place in birth, it has most certainly performed miracles beyond mother nature’s powers, but I do believe it is way over used.

12 – How welcoming are hospitals to doulas?

Most are pretty good. Nurses generally love working with doulas because it makes their job a little easier. As long as the doula works well with the staff and is polite and courteous they are a welcomed addition to the birthing team.

13 – From your perspective, why are doulas increasing in popularity these days?

I think more and more people are beginning to learn what a doula is and exactly what she does. There is so much research out there now showing the positive effects that doulas have on labour and birth. People are beginning to realize that the doula can be an essential tool to a labouring woman. There is a famous quote by Dr. John Kennell, one of the founders of DONA international, that says “If a doula were a drug, it would be unethical not to use it”. I love this quote because it really outlines how much of a difference a doula can make to someone’s labour.

14 – Was becoming a doula always a dream of yours?

No.

15 – How did it become so important to you?

When I had a doula for my labour I realized how much of a difference one can make. I completed my training and was attending my first births before my daughter was even six months old. I think that pregnancy and birth can become a passion very quickly with some women, especially once they have experienced it themselves. Bringing another life into the world really opened my heart and soul on a new level and stirred up an instinctual desire to assist and guide other women through their labour journey.   

16 – Have you been to births as a doula yet? How was it/were they?

Yes, quite a few actually. Each one has been completely amazing in its own way. They have all been so different and each has taught me something new. I think the unpredictability is one of the things I like so much about being a doula. Every mother is unique and therefore each birth is a very different experience. It’s awesome!

17 – What’s the secret to staying calm during such an intense time (birth)?

Hmmm, I’m not sure there is any big secret. Being trained and acquiring as much knowledge about the process and its variations/interventions and the like definitely allows a doula to stay calm during the birth. I also believe that much of the calming presence of a doula is something that just comes naturally to some people. 

18 – What do you love most about being a doula? And what do you find the most difficult?

Every day I go to work I either get to be chatting it up with moms (and dads)-to-be (or new parents) or witnessing the birth of a new life! How many people get to say that? It’s awesome!

The hardest aspect of being a doula for me is the unpredictable client volume. There is a large (and growing) demand for doulas in Winnipeg but if you’re not part of a company or collective, as in my case, than acquiring clients can be very difficult. Actually, being a doula as a career is very difficult in general. For many people (including myself before I had my daughter) it is difficult to justify paying a labour companion when you haven’t yet experienced their value. I can completely understand this since spending more money than you have to before having a new baby is about the last thing that anyone wants to do. Unless the person comes to you with a complete understanding of your value as a doula or they have money to throw at anything they want, it is more difficult than selling insurance.

19– Is western medicine moving forward or backward in terms of women’s birthing experience?

This is difficult to answer. Most of the time I really think it is but every once in a while I experience something (or hear of an experience) that really makes me feel the opposite. I think generally it is but may be difficult to notice since it seems to move in a two-steps-forward-one-step-back motion.

20 – How has being a doula impacted you/ your life the most?

To be honest, it has actually changed most everything about my life. It is a completely new career for me, one totally different from my last. Being a part of such an intimate event in other people’s lives can really enrich your own. I love my family a little more and squeeze them a little harder every time I return home from a birth.   

Check out Bree's blog at www.aprairiedoula.blogspot.com