1 - Tell me 3 things
about yourself aside from knowing something about sex positivity.
- Cooking and baking is my jam. I'm not very artistic, but it lets me be creative and also nourish and care for people in a way.
- I am trying to wear lipstick on a more regular basis because it makes me feel invincible.
-I am a very emotional person and it takes very little to make me cry.
- Cooking and baking is my jam. I'm not very artistic, but it lets me be creative and also nourish and care for people in a way.
- I am trying to wear lipstick on a more regular basis because it makes me feel invincible.
-I am a very emotional person and it takes very little to make me cry.
2 - What is sex positivity?
Essentially, it is simply the affirmation that there is no wrong kind of sexuality. As long as there is physical safety and enthusiastic consent, that sexuality has the potential to be a positive and fulfilling aspect of a person's life.
3 – How did it come to be a movement and who was initially a part of it?
The philosophy comes from Freud and Wilhelm Reich originally, but was really embraced and pushed forward in the 60's by many of the second wave of feminists.
Essentially, it is simply the affirmation that there is no wrong kind of sexuality. As long as there is physical safety and enthusiastic consent, that sexuality has the potential to be a positive and fulfilling aspect of a person's life.
3 – How did it come to be a movement and who was initially a part of it?
The philosophy comes from Freud and Wilhelm Reich originally, but was really embraced and pushed forward in the 60's by many of the second wave of feminists.
4 – When and how did
you first learn about it?
For me, it has always been tied to the type of feminism I have lived and experienced. My first eye opening to feminism and women's rights came through Jessica Valenti's book, 'The Purity Myth'. It is a really accessible introduction to how the virgin/whore dichotomy hurts young girls by placing all their worth on their sexuality instead of having your sexuality be one part of a multifaceted person. Once I had decided I was a feminist, full stop, I became aware of the ways that so many people are oppressed because of their sexuality and how politicized women's bodies and sexuality really are.
For me, it has always been tied to the type of feminism I have lived and experienced. My first eye opening to feminism and women's rights came through Jessica Valenti's book, 'The Purity Myth'. It is a really accessible introduction to how the virgin/whore dichotomy hurts young girls by placing all their worth on their sexuality instead of having your sexuality be one part of a multifaceted person. Once I had decided I was a feminist, full stop, I became aware of the ways that so many people are oppressed because of their sexuality and how politicized women's bodies and sexuality really are.
5 – Why is it
important to you?
I went to a Catholic High School and a ridiculous evangelical church as a teenager. The things I learned about sex were basically, "Don't do it until you are married because you will be ruined emotionally and physically. Even wanting to do it is dirty and bad and don't you even think about masturbating." This really damaged me and when I tried to approach dating and sex outside of the model I had been taught, things were really confusing and I felt so lost.
I went to a Catholic High School and a ridiculous evangelical church as a teenager. The things I learned about sex were basically, "Don't do it until you are married because you will be ruined emotionally and physically. Even wanting to do it is dirty and bad and don't you even think about masturbating." This really damaged me and when I tried to approach dating and sex outside of the model I had been taught, things were really confusing and I felt so lost.
6 – Is it important for everyone? How
come?
I think it is, whether people realize it or not. For example, the choice to remain abstinent until you are married is completely legitimate. So is choosing to not stay a virgin. So is wanting to have lots of sex or only a little or to have many partners or explore kinks or engage in certain sexual acts, etc. Sex positivity means that no one is shamed for making a personal choice about what their sexuality looks like. It has a huge emphasis on health as well, because good sex is safer sex.
I also believe that it has a huge role to play in preventing sexual violence. Choosing sex positivity as one 'my issues' seemed really frivolous at first, with all of the other things in the world to care about. I realized though, first hand, how important it can really be. When I was sexually assaulted at 19, I blamed myself and felt like it was my fault - I didn't even know it was rape for a long time. I didn't know what was supposed to feel good or that I could be completely naked with someone and not need to have sex with them or if I decided I didn't want to have sex with them, that I could say no and mean it and expect to have that respected. I think by teaching people that sex should be a positive, joyful thing for them to explore and incorporate into their lives that we will learn to move away from anything that doesn't feel good and demand respect - and we will also be taught to listen to our partners when they are drawing boundaries.
7 – How does sex positivity fit or not fit into today’s music, movies and television?
I think it is such a weird time for sex in the media! We are exposed to so much, yet we see so little diversity. The kind of sex and sexuality displayed in the mainstream, mass media is very white, very heterosexual, very able-bodied and so consumable. I feel like we are shown so much visible sexuality without talking about sex.
7– How does the internet help and hurt the sex positivity movement?
The internet can be such an amazing resource of information and connection to work people are doing all over the world. It can create such a sense of community and provide accessible informal education. It is so amazing to me to see women, girls, trans folks, queers, and men sharing and spreading sex positive messages and their own experiences.
On the other hand, the internet is used for transmitting really unhealthy images of human sexuality through some porn. It is more accessible, than sex-positive information and incredibly pervasive. As well, there is a ton of incorrect and infactual information on the internet which makes me really sad.
9 – Why are people so scared to talk about sex?
It's so funny to me, yet so understandable in some ways. I feel like we shouldn't be afraid to talk about something that is so basic to our species and is a huge part of so many people's lives. As I try to incorporate it into more of my conversations, I see why it is easier to keep quiet - it can make people very uncomfortable and people can be so judgemental! I also feel like there is a huge fear that we are all doing it wrong - that someone else is going to perceive our sexuality as weird or bad. Well, guess what? Everyone's sexuality is weird because there is no such thing as normal sexuality. We are presented with an image by the media, sure, but everyone is so wonderfully strange.
10 – Are we as a society becoming more or less sex positive? How?
This is so hard for me to answer! I purposefully surround myself with people and media that are so sex-positive, it feels difficult to tell. Some days I think that we are definitely making advances and some days I wonder what year it is. Like, did we slip in a time machine back to the Middle Ages? I think that slowly, but surely, we are making some sorts of progress. As problematic as 50 Shades of Grey is (and it is really problematic, even aside from the terrible writing) the fact that a book about a dominant/submissive sexual relationship has been topping the bestseller list for months really says something. Seeing programs such as Teen Talk be available to youth in some schools is so encouraging.
11 – Is there anything about sex positivity politics that is controversial for you, or doesn’t fit?
This is what I love about it - it is so inclusive. There is lots of disagreement and discussion about things like pornography and sex work, but I don't think that is so much controversial. The whole ethos of sex positivism is that as long as there is physical safety and enthusiastic consent, it is good.
12 – How much does sex positivity have to do with sex, and how much does it have to do with politics?
What a great question. I feel like it's a 50/50 split - there is so much 'unlearning' to be done in terms of how we view our own sexuality and how we view others'. One definitely enables the other - when we are relatively free to explore desires and pursue experiences, it can get fun. Teaching safer sex methods is an important thing, as well as giving people tools to make their physical sex lives as pleasurable as possible. I love this part of sex positivism and it is obviously the most fun. Dealing with the way that politicians or other people try and take control of our bodies, whether it be by law or by social influence or by shaming or rape, is the less-fun but very important part. There is also a ton of work being done against rape, human trafficking, sexual exploitation of youth - sex positivity doesn't mean it's a free for all. Hurting someone else to achieve pleasure violates everything that sex positivism stands for.
13 – On a personal level, how can we work to be more sex positive?
Be aware of your sexuality and don't judge yourself! Get to know your own body and what feels good and what doesn't. Have honest conversations with people you love and trust. Do a little reading up on different sexualities, sex practices, alternative relationships, safer sex practices, etc. Education and empathy are the two things that I personally think are crucial for our own sex positivity. Also, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier it is to accept others.
14 – Where does pornography fit in the sex positive movement?
Some people think it's important and some think it is damaging. There are some pro-porn and some anti-porn and even some porn reformists that I agree with. There definitely needs to be more realistic and healthy depictions of sex in porn and I think that there can be a very healthy role for the right stuff.
15 – What are your thoughts on sex trade workers and sex positivity?
As a feminist, this is a complicated issue for me. I am still, and feel like I will always be, evolving my views on this. Sherene Razak gave a talk about sex work, race, colonialism, and privilege that will always stick with me. I support sex worker's rights and autonomy.
16 – On a lighter note, how great can sex be?
Sex can be as great as you want it to be! I think that masturbation is a really important form of self care and that sex can be anything from connective and meaningful to pleasure-based and incredibly physical to explorative and playful.
17 - Any words on Todd Akin’s recent words about “legitimate rape”?
I have many, many words for him; but, I do think he is a shining example of why we need comprehensive, accurate sex ed.
18 – If you had influence on school curriculum, what would you change about sex ed?
So many things! The main things I would set in my sights would be: making sure that pleasure is topic of conversation and that women realize it's for them too, LGBTTQ* issues, a full discussion of birth control methods and options, the acceptance and promotion of masturbation as a healthy sexual activity, and enthusiastic consent - how to give it and how to make sure you're getting it. Less intimidation about STI's and pregnancy and more frank conversations of how to prevent them as a part of sex and not the only thing about it. Also, body acceptance and positivity! When you have self-esteem, it is proven that you make better sexual choices.
19 – How might the world be a better place if more of us embraced sex positivity?
I feel like we would definitely be happier if we were all having the sex we wanted to be having! I feel like there could be less sexual violence and rape. More trans and queer people would have sexual health services available to them. We would all be a little more understanding and accepting of each other. Less people would feel marginalized.
20 - At the end of your life, how might sex positivity have made a difference for you?
I will definitely have had lots of orgasms! Haha. I will have been kinder and gentler to myself about lots of things - I see this happening already. I will have deeper relationships with friends who I can talk about this part of my existence with and vice versa. Hopefully, I can say that I helped people feel comfortable with their sexuality and find enjoyment in it. Also, this quote rings true to the hopes I have for sex positivism and my role in it:
“A revolutionary in every bedroom cannot fail to shake up the status quo. And if it is your wife that is revolting, you can't just split to the suburbs. Feminism, when it truly achieves its goals, will crack through the most basic structures of our society.” -Shulamith Firestone
I think it is, whether people realize it or not. For example, the choice to remain abstinent until you are married is completely legitimate. So is choosing to not stay a virgin. So is wanting to have lots of sex or only a little or to have many partners or explore kinks or engage in certain sexual acts, etc. Sex positivity means that no one is shamed for making a personal choice about what their sexuality looks like. It has a huge emphasis on health as well, because good sex is safer sex.
I also believe that it has a huge role to play in preventing sexual violence. Choosing sex positivity as one 'my issues' seemed really frivolous at first, with all of the other things in the world to care about. I realized though, first hand, how important it can really be. When I was sexually assaulted at 19, I blamed myself and felt like it was my fault - I didn't even know it was rape for a long time. I didn't know what was supposed to feel good or that I could be completely naked with someone and not need to have sex with them or if I decided I didn't want to have sex with them, that I could say no and mean it and expect to have that respected. I think by teaching people that sex should be a positive, joyful thing for them to explore and incorporate into their lives that we will learn to move away from anything that doesn't feel good and demand respect - and we will also be taught to listen to our partners when they are drawing boundaries.
7 – How does sex positivity fit or not fit into today’s music, movies and television?
I think it is such a weird time for sex in the media! We are exposed to so much, yet we see so little diversity. The kind of sex and sexuality displayed in the mainstream, mass media is very white, very heterosexual, very able-bodied and so consumable. I feel like we are shown so much visible sexuality without talking about sex.
7– How does the internet help and hurt the sex positivity movement?
The internet can be such an amazing resource of information and connection to work people are doing all over the world. It can create such a sense of community and provide accessible informal education. It is so amazing to me to see women, girls, trans folks, queers, and men sharing and spreading sex positive messages and their own experiences.
On the other hand, the internet is used for transmitting really unhealthy images of human sexuality through some porn. It is more accessible, than sex-positive information and incredibly pervasive. As well, there is a ton of incorrect and infactual information on the internet which makes me really sad.
9 – Why are people so scared to talk about sex?
It's so funny to me, yet so understandable in some ways. I feel like we shouldn't be afraid to talk about something that is so basic to our species and is a huge part of so many people's lives. As I try to incorporate it into more of my conversations, I see why it is easier to keep quiet - it can make people very uncomfortable and people can be so judgemental! I also feel like there is a huge fear that we are all doing it wrong - that someone else is going to perceive our sexuality as weird or bad. Well, guess what? Everyone's sexuality is weird because there is no such thing as normal sexuality. We are presented with an image by the media, sure, but everyone is so wonderfully strange.
10 – Are we as a society becoming more or less sex positive? How?
This is so hard for me to answer! I purposefully surround myself with people and media that are so sex-positive, it feels difficult to tell. Some days I think that we are definitely making advances and some days I wonder what year it is. Like, did we slip in a time machine back to the Middle Ages? I think that slowly, but surely, we are making some sorts of progress. As problematic as 50 Shades of Grey is (and it is really problematic, even aside from the terrible writing) the fact that a book about a dominant/submissive sexual relationship has been topping the bestseller list for months really says something. Seeing programs such as Teen Talk be available to youth in some schools is so encouraging.
11 – Is there anything about sex positivity politics that is controversial for you, or doesn’t fit?
This is what I love about it - it is so inclusive. There is lots of disagreement and discussion about things like pornography and sex work, but I don't think that is so much controversial. The whole ethos of sex positivism is that as long as there is physical safety and enthusiastic consent, it is good.
12 – How much does sex positivity have to do with sex, and how much does it have to do with politics?
What a great question. I feel like it's a 50/50 split - there is so much 'unlearning' to be done in terms of how we view our own sexuality and how we view others'. One definitely enables the other - when we are relatively free to explore desires and pursue experiences, it can get fun. Teaching safer sex methods is an important thing, as well as giving people tools to make their physical sex lives as pleasurable as possible. I love this part of sex positivism and it is obviously the most fun. Dealing with the way that politicians or other people try and take control of our bodies, whether it be by law or by social influence or by shaming or rape, is the less-fun but very important part. There is also a ton of work being done against rape, human trafficking, sexual exploitation of youth - sex positivity doesn't mean it's a free for all. Hurting someone else to achieve pleasure violates everything that sex positivism stands for.
13 – On a personal level, how can we work to be more sex positive?
Be aware of your sexuality and don't judge yourself! Get to know your own body and what feels good and what doesn't. Have honest conversations with people you love and trust. Do a little reading up on different sexualities, sex practices, alternative relationships, safer sex practices, etc. Education and empathy are the two things that I personally think are crucial for our own sex positivity. Also, the more comfortable you are with yourself, the easier it is to accept others.
14 – Where does pornography fit in the sex positive movement?
Some people think it's important and some think it is damaging. There are some pro-porn and some anti-porn and even some porn reformists that I agree with. There definitely needs to be more realistic and healthy depictions of sex in porn and I think that there can be a very healthy role for the right stuff.
15 – What are your thoughts on sex trade workers and sex positivity?
As a feminist, this is a complicated issue for me. I am still, and feel like I will always be, evolving my views on this. Sherene Razak gave a talk about sex work, race, colonialism, and privilege that will always stick with me. I support sex worker's rights and autonomy.
16 – On a lighter note, how great can sex be?
Sex can be as great as you want it to be! I think that masturbation is a really important form of self care and that sex can be anything from connective and meaningful to pleasure-based and incredibly physical to explorative and playful.
17 - Any words on Todd Akin’s recent words about “legitimate rape”?
I have many, many words for him; but, I do think he is a shining example of why we need comprehensive, accurate sex ed.
18 – If you had influence on school curriculum, what would you change about sex ed?
So many things! The main things I would set in my sights would be: making sure that pleasure is topic of conversation and that women realize it's for them too, LGBTTQ* issues, a full discussion of birth control methods and options, the acceptance and promotion of masturbation as a healthy sexual activity, and enthusiastic consent - how to give it and how to make sure you're getting it. Less intimidation about STI's and pregnancy and more frank conversations of how to prevent them as a part of sex and not the only thing about it. Also, body acceptance and positivity! When you have self-esteem, it is proven that you make better sexual choices.
19 – How might the world be a better place if more of us embraced sex positivity?
I feel like we would definitely be happier if we were all having the sex we wanted to be having! I feel like there could be less sexual violence and rape. More trans and queer people would have sexual health services available to them. We would all be a little more understanding and accepting of each other. Less people would feel marginalized.
20 - At the end of your life, how might sex positivity have made a difference for you?
I will definitely have had lots of orgasms! Haha. I will have been kinder and gentler to myself about lots of things - I see this happening already. I will have deeper relationships with friends who I can talk about this part of my existence with and vice versa. Hopefully, I can say that I helped people feel comfortable with their sexuality and find enjoyment in it. Also, this quote rings true to the hopes I have for sex positivism and my role in it:
“A revolutionary in every bedroom cannot fail to shake up the status quo. And if it is your wife that is revolting, you can't just split to the suburbs. Feminism, when it truly achieves its goals, will crack through the most basic structures of our society.” -Shulamith Firestone
Great interview! Thx for posting Cindy :)
ReplyDelete