Andrea on Being A Mom

1 - Tell me 3 things about yourself outside of being a mom.

I love the outdoors, taking pictures and rap music.

2 - Who is your kid?

Willa Margaux: funny, stubborn, hungry.

      3 - How old is she?

A year and a half.

      4 - What’s she into these days?

Dancing, watermelon, hats and jumping on the couch.

      5 - Tell me about a great moment you’ve had with her recently.

Today, after I came home from running a few errands, I saw Willa in our front window. She saw me, smiled huge and yelled ‘mama!’ and when I came in the door I picked her up and she wrapped her chubby arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder and then took a nice long sigh. I live for those moments, and even though they happen every day, I know I will never, ever tire of them.

      6 - How did you come to be a mom?

I am very lucky. After being married for a few years, my husband and I decided that we wanted to have a kid and we got pregnant on our first try. The decision came after my Dad battled cancer. We almost lost him, and going through that I realized that I really, really wanted my kid to know him. We named her after him. They are great pals.

      7 - What do you love about having this kid in your life?

She has simplified everything about the world. She’s taught me how to take everything less seriously and that I don’t have control over very many things. I love watching her learn new things, there’s nothing quite like it.

      8 - What are the difficult parts of being a mom?

Post-partum depression was definitely the hardest part of motherhood so far. Thankfully I made it through with a lot of help from a few great people. It took me a little while to get used to being in demand by a (mostly) helpless person. Most of the time I love it, but sometimes it can be hard.

      9 - What has surprised you about life with this kid?

How easy it has gotten, all of the sudden, after being really quite hard at first.

      10 - How have your family and friends responded to you having a kid?

My family is big, loving and very intertwined. Everyone is kind of always in everyone else’s business, which sometimes has been annoying, but when you have a kid, it becomes so necessary. It’s really great to watch her be raised by everyone. My oldest siblings both have children, so I have learned a lot from them, just by observing. Also, Willa’s cousins are all older (between 9-17) and so she learns a lot from them.

My friends have mostly responded positively to Willa, and we are also really lucky to have a few close friends who started families at the same time as us. So we’re all in it together. There are definitely a few friends who sort of wrote us off and stopped calling when we had Willa, but that’s just how it goes. Some people don’t like kids and I try to respect that.

      11 - Who is the most supportive of this change in your life?

My sister. She is probably the most supportive person in my life, besides my husband. She knows how to love me actively, not just with words, and that is huge. She has a busy life with her own kids and work, but she always makes time to see Willa as much as possible. In the early days, when I was at my worst, she just got it and was there in the way that only a sister can be. Now days, she has Willa over for sleepovers and that is a nice treat for us every once in a while. She will be my drinking buddy at the end of a hard day, or have us over for dinner when we’re broke with an empty fridge. I didn’t have the energy to build a garden this Spring, so she planted a bunch of vegetables for me. She’s like that. Just the greatest.

      12 - Do you come across people who are a bit funny about you being a mom now?

Not really. For years my nickname amongst my close friends has been ‘Babymoms’ and there are a number of reasons for that. I think I have a bit of a hovering, bossy, maternal side that comes out often with the people that I love, so they have always visualized me in that role pretty easily.

      13 - What are your kid’s best qualities?

Her grit, her humor and her curiosity. And her ability to sleep a lot. (Is that a quality?)

      14 - What are your best qualities as a mom?

My compassion, my open mind and my silliness.

      15 - If your kid could articulate in words, what might she say has been her experience of being your daughter?

Oh man, that’s a tricky one! I think she would say that it’s been a good road so far. I think she would champion our shared ability to cheer each other on in the hard moments. I think she would tell you about all of the people we experience in our day-to-day life, and all of the dogs and cats. I think she would say that her experience so far has been a joyful one with lots of excitement along the way.

      16 - What is your kid’s idea of a perfect day?

Watermelon and blueberries for breakfast, followed by a morning at Grandma’s house with all of her kid pals and dog friends running around in the backyard. Long nap followed by a big lunch of as many crackers as she can fit in her mouth at one time, and green grapes. Afternoon spent playing alone (no sharing!) with all of her toys and books with mom and dad sitting on the floor nearby. Dinner of ice cream and Big Gulps and cake and then the rest of the evening spent jumping on things (bed, crib, couch, rocking chair) and chasing her cats around. Falling asleep in my arms.

      17 - What has this kid taught you so far?

Patience, simplicity, courage.

      18 - What have you learned about yourself since having her?

That I am more capable of unconditional love than I previously believed. I’ve learned that I’m strong, and that I’m intuitive and it is good to follow that inner voice.

      19 - Generally speaking, what are your thoughts on parenthood vs. non-parenthood?

For me, I never knew for certain that I wanted to be a mother. In my adult life, I went back and forth on it all the time. Before Willa, I had a pretty clear vision of my life without kids and my life with a family.

I had a really great childhood with a lot of adventure and innocence. I had so much fun in my teenage years, and my twenties were really formative with lots of challenges but also lots and lots of fun and selfishness.

It’s hard to explain in words, but there was that day sitting in the hospital room beside my Dad where I felt more courageous than ever in my life. I thought so much about my life and who my Dad has been to me through all of those years, and somehow I all of the sudden really wanted to be a parent. I wanted to go through that journey from his side of it, I guess. You could say that I felt really inspired. From that moment, that feeling never left.

Looking back on that moment, it all makes more sense than ever. Life has blown up and bloomed in the most beautiful way since I met Willa. My life before her was good and pretty flawless, but it all sort of blurs into the background now. I just love living alongside her.

That said, I have a few friends who don’t ever want to have kids and I think that is so great. I don’t think it is for everyone, and I don’t think people need to have children to feel fulfilled or complete.

      20 - At the end of your life, how might this kid have made a difference for you?

As I’ve touched on earlier, I feel like having Willa in my life has simplified my worldview. I think that she has given more meaning to my days, and she has definitely given me a self-confidence that I didn’t have before. She has shown me what unconditional love is and she has lit a spark in me – I think we will have very many adventures together for many years to come. I cannot imagine my life without her.